gig n its exhilaration

so it's finally the day. it's a daunting thought that i even signed up for this gig. but i am glad i had plucked up the courage to busk at the street of orchard for the shine movement. N i think overall the event gives a very good feeling... seems to me to be quite a successful event. Truely an event for youth by youth. And i'm happy for singapore that there's an avenue for youth to express their talents. It's indeed a celebration for youth talents.

and as for my own performance. oh well, the nerve racking exhilaration of gigs is really quite addictive. I can feel the butterflies welling up in me when i saw people actually stopping their footsteps to listen to me. quite nerve racking but quite encouraging as well. but to critique my performance, arghh... it's still quite sad. i just cant sing freely in front of others. gosh. sigh...

and i finally caught R.E.I's gig (haha roger, evan and isaiah). Too bad i only caught the last 2 songs. both sang by evan who really stunned me with his vocals. wah... this awesome guitarist actually has a very good tone to his voice which is really suited for english songs in my opinion. Kinda remind me of jack n rai when he sings. love that lainbackness and tone (how i wish i can exude that feel and tone too...argh i'm too far away lol... boohoo) love the song Run by snow patrol :))

너무 하고싶은데 아직도 못했어서... 슬퍼요.

기분 이 좋지않았어요

기분이 너무 너무 좋지않았어요. 노래 잘못했어 그렇게 키보드하고 드럼도 잘못했어. 짜증나!! 다도멀아서... 슬퍼!

진구이야기는 때문에 정신이 없어 기분이 도 좋지않았어요.

the last 1.5 days of work

thankew you jesmine babe! this is soo hilarious, I get internal injury from tryin to contain my laughter in the office!

the last 1.5 days of work was (or rather is, 1.45hrs more to go!!) pretty eventful. Work offcially end yesterday actually. with my last 2 hours of the day working hard at looking like i'm working (oops). And after work was the long awaited OG bbq at my place. yayy!! so fun. it's so amazing how we were talking about all the juicy stuff that happened one year after we all met (so we labelled the topic of our convo "one year later...") and awarding our 1st class n 2nd upper class idiots to they who shall not be named till 11pm without realising it! Apparently so much happened during our 1st sem man...lol. and after the bbq, happening raymond bestie, jiayi, feb n i still decided to go for a late night movie. TRANSFORMERS! Part 2 is just as gripping as the 1st. :)) and we went a lil crazy on our way home at 4am. we began spotting cars and trying to label them ("AH!!! BUMBLEBEE!... nono that one looks more like a decepticons!!...i wanna zhng my car")

And finally now my last few moments in the office. I am totally zombified w my 3 hours of sleep. sitting in front of my comp, blogging while making it look like i am still keying in my excel file which i've completed since yesterday. lol ~~

*yawns* jes, your video is timely n needed man.

wanna zhng

listening to beyonce and mariah carey's songs just makes u desireeeee to zhng ur voice. if only there's such easy ways like plastic surgery. arghh. *beep* can be quite 슬퍼. It's like a sine curve. arghh. wanna whistle like mariah, belt like beyonce :((( boohooo

and i had a sudden realisation yesterday. damn i actually allowed myself to be *beep* and always brush it off. goodness this is probably why i end up this messed up. not knowing why i 슬퍼 (if i can even catagorise it at the 1st place)

still

one lil freaky incident happened last night. as i off the tv set and walked away last night after my awesome tv programme, the tv set decided to on itself again. :S

n the programme then was about the holocaust, and so when the TV revived itself, on the screen was this picture of a dead jew or soldier :S

but thanks to jimmy's beautifully written and sung lullaby i could drift off to la la land. :D

아직도 아팠거든요, 도와주세요....

History Channel Synopsis

Happened to stumble upon a programme on the history channel last night as I was channel surfing. For the benefit of those who doesn’t have cable tv and thus missed the awesome show when I informed em, here’s a short short synopsis. (say thank you!)

Anyway the programme was real awesome. A bunch of scientists and professors coming together to find out if it is truly possible for biblical events to have actually taken place. Are these events possible or were they exaggerated? Can there be an alternative explanation to these happenings and what are the chances of them happening? Or are they truly simply works of miracles by our wondrous God?

Case #1: The Tower of Babel
“And they say to one another, ‘Come, let us make bricks, and burn them thoroughly.” And they had brick for stone, and bitumen for mortar. Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves” (Genesis 11:3-4)

As in the bible, this was an attempt by Man to build a tower that reaches the heavens, which has angered God and caused Him to disperse Man throughout earth and confuse their languages so that they no longer share the same language. With primitive technique, could this be possible? Yes there are remnants of such structures found in modern day middle east but could it possibly be the tower of babel?

Replicating the ancient ways of brick making, and a bunch of math formulae, the scientist came to the conclusion that is very possible to build a structure which can support all the weight of a tower as high as 1 mile. And baking them as stated in the bible would have strengthened these ancient bricks even further, making it possible to build a tower of up to 2 miles, about 5 times the height of the tallest modern building. (*gasp*)

Case #2: David and Goliath
“And David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone and slung it and struck the Philistine on his forehead. The stone sank into his forehead and he fell on his face to the ground” (1 Samual 17: 49)

This is about Kind David when he was still in his youth. As a young sherperd boy, David was able to take down the giant philistine Goliath with just a stone and his sling. Can a slingshot bring a giant down with just one blow on the head? Bearing in mind, this is quite a far cry from bullet science.

Answer was once again yes. With precision and accuracy, a young boy can kill someone with his slingshot even from a distant. The speed that the stone travel at can cause the skull to crack and the waves generated from the impact to cause a permanent damage to the brain and thus death. (*gasp*). But of cos such fatal blow would have to come with such high degree of precision that the scientists conceded that it's really either a fatal chance or perhaps really as the bible stated the Lord was with David.


And some more lah (case #3 on instant fires, case #4 on toxic honey bees and case #5 on the floating tabernacle)... shall end here or the synopsis becomes too long. interested people can just come talk to me.

줌 슬퍼 니까 불억 쓰다

마음에 줌 아팠거든요, 울고싶어요.

왜 아파서? 나도 몰아요... 도와주세요....

the uphill battle

it has come. yet another season of pruning in my life. it's just really how amazing all things fits tgt. i begin to realise that the reason for my "desert wandering" is not simply just i am not prepared for the challenges ahead (not realising the full magnitude of things) but also cos i really have yet to learn about love myself.

cell today was really amazing in a way cos God once again affirms his message to me. i realised He really always work this way with me. He really knows me full well that i need repetitive messages to get his message and be affirmed. So now i know, I really need to work more actively for the restoration of my family. For years, i have walked away without even realising it and now God really has opened up the old wounds to awaken me. I need to actively work for things. I can desire too for a home to go back to and not just a house. But of cos, facing it will hurt, but i already know what will be the outcome of this. He always wins me whenever He wanna prune me.

and today at cell, was also filled with surprises. mixture of good n bad. so our new cell has produced its 1st couple. feel happy for this pair! n on another hand, another person was asked to step down from her role to reexamine her walk. really the benchmark for God is just so high. N really i am both happy n envious of our lovely pair in cell. It's just so hard to find a couple who centres their relationship on God. And it's so amazing from their sharing how our God has worked in their relationship. Man, truly God has many facades that i keep discovering. Today i learned that He is not just a patient God (to me for He has to repeat His words many times to me), but also a romantic God (for bringing my friends tgt).

Love Is Not A Fight

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word that they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MiVFJokqak)

with my new tuition assignment, i really cant wait for the day i quit my day job at melody of euphoria and for my lil hellboy to return to his hometown, cos juggling with 3 tuition assignments, a full time job, keyboard class and korean class is really no joke. :(

so at 1st i was really reluctant to take up this new tuition assignment. n wat's more its to teach chinese, so i cant achieve my EOS since my other 2 assignments is english n teaching 3 kids english has made me a much better english tutor. I have improved in my teaching through the months and is now better in conducting my lessns in fun n interactive ways. But with chinese, i have to start from scratch and think of interesting lesson plans. no eos :( and the location is not really ideal too.

but oh well, after seeing my new kid. man... i decided to teach him afterall. he's soooo adorable n smart. goodness. n he's the 1st korean kid i encounter who's so proficient in his english. result of his international school environment i supposed. n he's really eager to learn languages. i had aat first thought he was forced into it but goodness it turns out that he is interested in learning chinese himself! n he told me that he wanna pick up Japanese and Hebrew too. why japanese cos he has lots of japanese frenz. n y hebrew? cos he wanna know the bible more. GOODNESS. so proud of him n so inspired by him as well

Goodness... we should all be ashamed. a kid at 9 is so much more eager in his learning than many of us. but anyway argh, i felt spurred once again by him to really grit my teeth and tahan. I guess i really wanna pursue my japanese and korean all the way to a higher level. it's just to wasted to give up now. so no way man... jia you is the only way!

N yes, hopefully i wont be too blinded by my greed for more $$ and quit my job by 1st week of july latest. Then i can finally have some time to get myself some japanese tuition, practice my kb and drums more, study harder to catch up on korean and to dwell deeper into God's word!! I need to read my bible more!! Wanna be more grounded in the word!

anyway sidetrack abit, the new boy's family is sooo awesome. it really feels very homely stepping into their house. They are really a picture of bliss. man. again it struck me at the heart that i really yearn for a restoration of my family and my parents to have an epiphany. sighh

Love Challenge

aww... caught this movie "Fireproof" through the internet and I am just so blessed by the movie. To all who is clueless about love and to those who think you know how to love, watch this and think twice. Again, God had stirred my heart. And how i wish, my parents too can come to watch this and have an encounter with God. Lately, I feel myself wishing ever more for a revival in my family. Friends please pray with me.


It is just so impt to marry a Godly man.

Reviving Rush

My heart is filled once again with hope and gladness. Abba I praise you. I was wandering in the desert, so lost and even emo. But truly God is so faithful to all who would just seek Him. And I felt that I am once again learning so much from Him. the sermons in church on Kind David provided me with such timely role model to see me through this tougher times. Once again, I am inspired to be like David. I wanna be a woman after Your heart too. I wanna please no one but You. And the book which evan gave me on worship has brought me much revelations as well on the nature of worship.

Aww... And really our God is a God who never forsakes. Even when you feel desolated and helpless, He's really just there beside you. I truly felt this once again last night. The familiar rush came over me again as I was doing my quiet time. And i was sooo comforted and encouraged as God once again reminded me that my weakness can only be His strength. And i am soo thankful for the delays in my plans now, cause i am simply not prepared. I have yet to think enough about the magnitude of responsibility and commitment my apsiration holds. And now that I have thought it through better, I become daunted and even thought of giving up yet I am reminded that God uses the weak and my motivation for reaching out to the helpless and poor.

Truly these are the trying days of revival. I am lost but yet not so lost now.

"Come to Me and I will give you rest"

COMFY BED

YAY finally got my set of comforter, bedsheets, new pillow and bolster (is that how u spell?)!! :D

my pretty pretty bed that i wanted for sooooo long. ARGH!! cant wait to sleep on it soon!

and there's still another set, and another comforter cover that daddy bought... all all sooo pretty but saving them for my most welcomed guest in july :D

ill-fated day

Woke up today feeling like crap and so i flopped back to bed with the intention to re-schedule my tuition. However, after sleeping for an extra 3o mins or so, i strangely felt better and got deluded into thinking that i'm alright perhaps just tired. So, i cabbed (CAB AGAIN!) down to my tuition's kid's house and taught. After family 1, I continued my tough day to teach family 2. This time, my crapiness started to act up again. But oh well, i just held it in and went to teach, thinkin i will rest later.

GOODNESS. I ended up embarrassing myself! :X I ended up with such a catastrophic tummy pain and this insurmountable urge to throw up. :S. In the end, i had to call it a day with 30 mins more to go before tution officially ends. arghh so embarrassing. N i went all jelly some more on their sofa and the kid's aunt had to dial a cab for me, with my tuition kid and her son looking on at me with this mixture of puzzled, slightly concern but more amused look. And they continued to look on as i dragged myself to the lift and collapsed myself next to the lift. WHERE's THE PAPER BAG WITH THE TWO HOLES FOR MY EYES???!!!

I have no image left.... :(((((( And throw face continues in the cab as i collapsed all over the cab and make my gurgling sounds with my plastic bag. And the nice uncle had to drive at full speed and pass me his medicated oil as well. RARRRRR

oscillate

realised i tend to oscillate between 2 polarities. doubts and assurance, confidence. treasured and dispensable.

wandering

two years of wandering and still not seeing my dream any where near taking off. still the same case. always the bits n pieces of clues to the map that can take me there. another piece of possibility presented to me again. but after so long, I have become more cynical and less excited. and its quite sad as well to know that in the eyes of others, i have left the "beep* community for a long while. Yes it was a long hiatus, but *beep* doesn't restrict to the times where u dorn that *beep* and do *beep* activities. More impt is the unofficial times of daily life. The times where u struggle to find your path, where u engage in ur own learnings etc. I have been trying and struggling all these times. N its sad to return without much gains n it seem a total waste of time to others. even to deem what i have done to be of lil value. i have gone off to explore when i felt that *beep* is not gonna bring me anymore and its time for me to bring somethg back w my exploration. but perhaps i'm still too green for flight n so it was just aimless wanderings. always at the periphery but never the crux. Never achieving successfully in any aspects of what i have been trying to do. always at the annoying phase of trying. its so understandable if people see it as a waste of time. N find it all just a lofty dream of mine. seeing wat explorations i had as of lil value, a waste of time and money and perhaps a more apt description would be my frivilous escapade. seeing my inadequacy, inapt, loftiness, ignorance, impracticality etc. Do u feel my angst and disappointment and even sadness? I am upset. Upset that I am a no where near. Someone who brought back nothing much, but seemingly returning once again to ride on the winds and make use of resources. Eating from the hand whom i have walked away at first. Maybe no one really feels so, but I do n it suck. 2 years... i seemed to have collected some experiences and yet at the same time seemed to be nothing. still is and seen as a green me but with an added arrogance.

cast me aside and just ignore me for i know no better.

whistling in a rut

coming to the second week since i started work and close to a month of this summer holiday, I still VERY VERY RESTLESSS. oh my goodness. there seems to be lots of frustration and irritation all penned up in me. Goodness. Help... i wonder how on earth can Moses tahan those years of wandering in the desert and even dying before he reaches the promised land. it's so saddening and also inspiring at the same time.

anyway back to my restlessness. i think this holiday really marks a very stark contrast to the holidays i had of late. Staying home, working and going on with life day by day seems just sooo meaningless and lacking in drive and exhilaration as compared to my recent holidays. But of course, i understand that there needs to be the little things in life that i got to learn as well. Like King David who remained a sheperd boy for a long long time, and went right back to his flock even after he was annointed as king, I need his humble heart and faith that trainings takes place in normal days, in the most little and seemingly unimportant things of routine life. oh well i have to try and find my lil joy in the routines of each day and try to find things to learn and spice things up myself.

And part of my self-upgrading programme are my keyboard and drum class and my self-training for vocals. Drums has come to its final lesson today. how sadd. just as things got more and more complex n psycho-motor challenging. boohoo... i am all tangled up now. quite demoralising. arghh. vocal side, i think there seem to be some break-through in my vocals? seems like i could sing more effortlessly now and head voice is becoming more solid it feels?and for the psychotic pleasure for challenge, i am trying out whistle register as well. slowly slowly tryin to hit higher and higher with my whistle. tryin out songs like hua xin and loving you. it's quite stress relieving some how. releasing all my frustrations and fear of wasting my beautiful summer away though those ultrasound notes.

gosh life is really boring here....I feel sooo caged up at home and in the office.