back to scouting! And more rantings
Last saturday (27/10/07) was project rigel, to show our support for our dear fren, several of us had agreed to go for it, though haha according to my poll we all weren't too keen about going actually. Several reasons for this: life is really hectic, we're past that age whereby going to ubin for games would really psyche us up.
But I am glad i had made time to go for this. After being so obsessed with my books all these while (ok lah not really obsessed more like i forced it out of me haha), I have really 'soften' and i just couldnt find that tough side of me anymore, so i really wasn't looking forward to going out on a saturday to ubin, feeding the mozzie, making myself high in front of the kids, n basking under the scothing sun. But yes, i can't stress it further that I am truly happy i did go. I didn't realise till now that I have been missing my old self quite abit. I know that i miss myself but i didn't know exactly what it is that i am missing. I really miss myself. As a result of life's shit, a great part of me had been dissolved some how. The tougher side of me is gone, the confident side of me is gone, even my self-esteem is eroded a fair bit. And my identity as a scout is also barely there.
To buy myself more time to spend with my book, I had chose to guard my time more seriously which means I do not go for scouting actitivities until it is necessary, I don't take up projects and stuff unless it is within my scope of duty, and for school i had chose not to join the SRC though it would had been so much more fun, i don't participate in school activities much or should i say not at all? Yes, and i do miss this rather big part of me that's gone, lost. So yes i am really glad for last saturday, because I really felt myself being in touch with the 'self' that i had lost. It was back to the identity that i bore as a scout. It was back to having real fun despite the weather, the aching legs, the mosquitoes. I was back to my 'manly' tough girl days and i am really glad.
The kids in my group are thankfully quite manageable except for just 3 of them who really needs more attention. But it was great. Really glad to have kenneth (my new friend) and Nasu in my patrol cos they are really good at handling the 'problematic' kids. By the way, project rigel is camp designed for the special kids who're also in scouts to have fun. We bring them out for activities, aiming to help them to integrate better into our mainstream society through their interaction with us.
Though we're supposed to teach these kids good values, i felt that i learnt even more from them. These kids are really very very real and honest in the sense that they do not hide their emotions and thoughts. So by observing them, we actually get to see our true human nature. There was this dude in my patrol that got really agitated when the team lost the game, and he started scolding the rest of the team for being stupid. Of course, it was such an irony cos they're all special kids, all intellectually challenged, so it kind of pains me a little that he's scolding the rest of his team mates stupid when he himself isn't very clever too. And it just shows how critical we all are. We're all guilty of this actually. We push the blame to others when things go wrong, we are so quick in judging others when we're actually just as guilty. And there's this boy too, who's really horny. yes u didnt hear me wrong, i said horny. but well you can't really blame him for his misbehaviour but though we can't blame him for his action, we still have the duty to teach him. With his raging hormones, who knows what he would do next time when he's out in the public? So i was really pretty harsh with him. Scolded him real hard because i really wanted him to know that his actions were wrong so that he wouldn't end up being a molestor or worst rapist next time. But the effect wasn't so satisfactory. It is really really so hard to teach them. I really salute all these teachers who teach in special school. Many a times during the course of the day, I was really at wits' end as to how to really let them understand what i was trying to teach them. Teaching is truly an art.
Ok on a lighter subject, here's some pictures from chek jawa and other pictures i took with/of the kids and my friends. :)
By the way, I was really entertained with the guys' sharing of NS life haha. Kenneth told me about his time in Brunei, and ker han's friend's shared with me his time in camp. Haha i was really really thrilled by their stories to the point that the old line popped up again--> 'Steph ah, you should really sign on!'. Ahh.. i miss this line too... it's been sometime since someone said this to me. I've been rotting away these days.
Note: the white thing is not plastic bag but jelly fish
sunset from ubin jetty
On a heavier note, Kenneth's sharing of his 'plight' has evoke much emotions from me. It really stirred me as i listen to his story echoeing the same old lines. This friend had been dreaming of a navy career since he was a small boy, but got his application rejected. Why? Because there are too many dudes out there with straight As who applied as well, not many due to their passion but more because they were enticed by that scholarship that the navy offers. So yes, all you smart asses out there get your places, mourn n groan about being bonded to the navy, regretting signing on because of scholarship, while people with true passion are being denied of the chance. Is meritocracy fair? Is our system too elitist? Are people who are weaker in their academic performance that underserving? But how do you measure passion? It's hard i know... but people are not even willing to try at the first place, too busy, too deaf to hear the soft murmur of passion. Passion is often being drowned by academic results. What's wrong with our society??!
And don't ever think that people get poor result cos they don't strive hard. Some don't yes but some does. Like this friend. He requested to retain so that he can have a extra year to better prepare himself for As. So do we blame him for being stupid? Society is really unforgiving. We stigmatised people. We label people as stupid, crazy, imbecile and what not. And the effects are drastic. Kids labelled as stupid by the system very often will play their role and rebel against the norm, against the rules of society because they dread it. They become delinquents in their teens, skipped school and ended up doing blue-collared jobs. And as adult they are again marginalised by society occupationally. Society led them to become anomie. Ahhh help. what can we do??