the 3000 strands of woes

if the title doesnt ring a bell to you, it's the chinese saying "san qian fan nao si". simply it refers to your hair. and of cos in our modern day context, this term has taken on a very literal meaning. Indeed, you can see both genders nowadays fretting over their hair. what hairstyle to cut? what color to dye? perm or straighten? how to style and what products to use?

And after spending that hefty sum on my hair on friday, i am quite determined to maintain my hair in the gorgeous way that it's SUPPOSED to be. The voluminous crown, straight n silky top to mid section, and my soft waves at the ending section. ARGH.

So in bid of trying to get some hair maintenance tips, I decided to youtube for some hair tutorial. to my amazement, there are FAR more guy hair tut than ladies hair tut!!! Out of curiosity, i decided to watch one and it snowballed into several. It was so fascinating and addictive to watch guys spend a good 10 mins and more styling their hair. and oh my gosh, guys u should never call girls vain. You guys are just the same. Step 1) wash ur hair 2) towel dry 3) blow dry with different directions for different result 4) flat iron 5) comes the wax! pinching, scrunching etc etc 6) the hair spray 7) adjust again... and FINALLY viola. Now i know... never mess around with a guy's hair (of cos only those with nicely styled hairs. those who didnt bother, we shall not bother as well :D )

Anyway, I was so fascinated and inspired after watching all that, that I hence decided to invest in some gatsby as well. And so important question, what's the formula to having good hair days? As shown below. ARGHHHH.... want nice hair? no choice :)

Step 1) L'oreal leave on conditioner to fix the desert dry hair (aftermath of perming)

Step 2) when semi-dry, sprit on the liese juicy shower on the ends

Step 3) Roll up the ends using the hair rollers and leave on. Remove just before sleeping or u can choose to sleep with your rollers on (uncomfortable though)

Step 4) Next morning, spray liese hair mousse onto palm and spread onto hair ends with scrunching motion to revitalise the curls

Step 5) Use gatsby air rise wax on the crown to create volume

Step 6) FINALLY spray on gatsby hair spray to set the entire hair.

At this rate, will i still be on time for lectures and appointments?? how long can i last with the regime.... hmmm.....

so it has come

so it's finally the welcome tea. not sure why but the prospect of new people coming in doesn't really excite me. in fact, it seem to bring out the anti-social side of me. didnt perform in the end for the welcome tea, too chui have to scrap the item. but yeah i still went down to support the welcome tea, it seem to me more sad than happy. cos many present are actually leaving. such irony. it's like a welcome tea for the juniors and a good bye tea for quite a number of the seniors.

time really flies. and i would say i had fun while in voices. the future... i really dont know? and i got apprehensive as well. with close frenz all leaving... should i stay? And i dont exactly look forward to having to make friends with new people all over again. so tiring. and performance opportunities wise, i think it should be bare minimal. and even for the minimal i don't think it's gonna take me any where higher or help me to hone my skills. I'm and will still be the talentless "vocalist". I need to step out to hone myself. hone my skills and confidence. And most imptly, i have to start doing my own thing. Develop myself as a vox. And man.. i can't wait to be able to play my keyboard well. then i can really be a musician. it suck so much now to be unable to do any other thing except sing when even at singing it isn't impressive either.

so where should i go?

and marcus's drum set is gonna leave me real soon too. snarey has left today... soon i will have to say good bye to tommy 1 n tommy 2, hi-hattie, n floor tommie as well.... :(((( I will miss u guys!! And sorry to let u guys down, I didnt fully utilise your presence at my house. i suck big time at drumming.

and now, I'm struggling to play ballad on the kb. wth. plus fill-ins. nutcase. just kill me for being talentless.

oh and i finally visited the hair saloon after donkey months. got a straight perm and hair color. it was soooo gorgeous when i left the saloon... but now arghh all the curls are just one lump of mess. crap!! I need a personal hair stylist to do my hair!

throw in the towel

hate to do this but in the end i concede defeat to learning Genie in such short time frame. just mission impossible for me to achieve clean n on time steps within such short timeframe and with all the buzz with rysec and readings.

so despite all the hours and sweat n high-heels, it's back to Bad Boy for welcome tea gig. arghhh...

and my throat is also taking the toil from all the late nights from rysec.... been having bad throat for so long... please recover throat!!

and the more i listen to muse, the more i am in love with matthew bellamy. arghhh such smittening voice.... n gasping haha.

oh and finally *applause* RYSEC is finally done!! submitted the proposal (the torture is over! :D) at 2.30pm this afternoon YAY

still dying

delays here and there... still unable to submit the rysec proposal. arghhh wat a nuisance. n the pile of readings mounting up arghhhhh.... unable to clear...

and my lyrics i still have yet to cram in... n the dance steps still a little fuzzy and not in time.... oh gosh.... help

over the hurdles

finally finally rysec is soon to end. after 2 tormenting days of writing and entering a state of trance as i write, i can finally pass on the work to others to do yay!! good luck on editting peeps! soon soon rysec, i can bid u goodbye soon!! tedious process of submission i would have to endure though... let's hope for some kind soul to initiate to help. :((

and the union week gigs are also over and there's this emptiness and uncertainty in me. I think i am really addicted to the exhilaration of performing. Those butterflies in the stomach feeling. But sadly, i am still far away from even my own benchmark as a vocalist and the dream of being vox and having your own band seems far far away. But on my way on way.... let's just hope i don't give in to discouragement. And i can't wait to get better and better with the keyboard!! then i can at least do something else besides singing and i can sing with more sound music theory instead of being an ignorant bloke. But yeah, so much uncertainty... and people are leaving too... so tempting to just leave as well... but that would mean having to search for another source of social life and also a total cut off from any tiny bit of opportunities for performance and getting better. arghh. and i really wanna go for vocal classes and get stronger.... i soooo want a voice that wows, not "well, not bad" but "WOW'. but arghh all the cash has gone to keyboard.

caught Dania's band's (Blue Exit) gig too at the central forum the other day and gosh they were impressive! the guitarist's solo was so can i say exhilarating? haha and of cos the entire band was just tight and perfect. And dania's voice has character!! Man... i wanna zhng my voice to one with character too man. enough ballads in my life.

but for now, it's time to act cute and try to be sexy with SNSD's Genie for the junior's welcome tea performance. dancing in heels and making it look effortless.

and one shit thing in life, my never-ending torment over the mongolian workcamp. ARGHHHHHH just cos it's not part of one's jobscope, you don't do it? Such inflexible is indeed the hallmark of a Singaporean. All according to the rules and books. So disappointing that such traits happen even for humanitarian workers. Where's the spirit of going an extra mile?

am i again imposing my views on others? just like the other day's conversation with my friends on studies. perhaps there are indeed people who find 'joy' in just shutting their eyes and getting through the days in college.

like being shot by a bullet

ok frantically rushing out rysec proposal so no time to blog though i wanna blog. wanna blog abt music, abt the gigs etc. but later.

for now AHHHHHHHHH i need to ventilate!! oh my gosh, really like being shot by a bullet. world vision closed the door!!! God slammed my door shut again. oh gosh..... what can I do? what shd i do?? WWJD???

*gasp into the mic*

not sure why but i am quite nervous and excited over the gigs tmr. probably cos i'll be doing songs i love and also it's the 1st time having to perform so many songs in a day. ok lah not many just 4. But still this pose a challenge to my limited memory space. oh gosh. memorising lyrics ~~~

My immortal for stage performance and for busking we have Like being shot by a bullet, Scars and When u're gone. woooo so exciting la la la~~ Just realised, they're all sad songs. Addictive emo songs that gets u really high on the emo-ness. ironical but yeah. And I realised the effect of gasping into the mic like Matthew Bellamy (gosh he sound so sexy) can be quite handy in expressing emotions. Realised that Baek Ji Young gasped alot too when she sings and it sounds so painfully emo. Kk enough of emo, to lighten the mood, we will have funny interludes! Nobody but 'chew' !! Pokerface!! :)

And the gigs will be good *fingers crossed* *gasp into mic*

arghh n marx's manuscripts are sooo hard to comprehend! k back to readings

so addicted to this. hope to perform this.

night ramblings

is it me or does this sem's amount of reading seem insurmountable? seem to have this huge jump in the quantity. gosh... think i've unknowingly taken up 5 reading intensive mods.

and it's so annoying how the song that I messed up for the gig this afternoon kept replaying over and over in my head. and this time with all the words in. arghh!! so saddening to mess up the song i like!! gosh. always wanted to sing this song but i messed up the words. ARGH. after a year of learning korean, i am still mixing up and blanking out over the lyrics. sigh~ but oh well, today is still not a bad day despite a bad gig (which isn't really my fault since it was just 2-day notice).

thank God for His little blessings. thank God that He gave me this inkling to change out of my skirt into jeans cause today's PS lecture was madness. There were simply no seats!! and i was only 5 minutes late! :( and worse thing is the module is really pre-dominantly guy (will i survive the competition w them?). And all these made in singapore men really love to watch girls sit on the floor while they take the seats. Complaining not for myself since i am comfy in my jeans, though i can't see the handsome face of the lecturer (if he is even handsome since i can't really see), but seriously imagine if u are in a skirt or dress and u have no choice but to take the floor?!

and thank God that despite the bad gig, it was still a happy day. Went for make-up class cos i can't attend keyboard tmr. And goodness, this class was really fast-paced and the aunties and uncles actually rmb EVERYTHG that the instructor said. It was quite pressurizing but i learnt alot i feel and it makes me happy. And bonus bonus, the instructor was so wholesome looking :D

wanna fly away with my balloons

stress and jaded.

suddenly find myself swarmed by a whole mess of things to do. old things that just couldn't be cleared and new things that kept pouring in. like nutcase. how did i even let myself landed in this frantic pile of things to do.

-RYSEC project (arghhh!! one of those never ending old thing that sticks... but the end is nearing),

- Jam prac and gigs (argh tmr's science fac gig, next week 2 busking gigs, welcome tea.. y e influx!)

- Podcast (but fun)

- Mongolia (sticks real long. n soooo emotionally deflating)

hanging in there till next week when hopefully i can strike some of the items off my list.

wanna fly away with a BIG BIG BIG bunch of balloons....~~

Like you spilled your blood,

I spill my heart as an offering

To my king

Here i am, take me

As an offering

Here i am, giving every heartbeat

For your glory take me

The time that i have left

Is all i have of worth

I lay it at your feet, lord

It's less than you deserve

And though i've little strength

And though my days are few,

You gave your life for me

So, i will live my life for you

End of Summer

In a flash, three months of holiday will soon be over in less than 3 days time. Time FLIES :(

And looking back, I really had hoped for a more exciting holiday. But ok my definition of exciting takes on 2 extreme polarity. Either to go on a meaningful trip to some ulu village and do something meaningful to the lives of others, or go with friends on long (and hopefully exotic) holidays to see the world. Both are extravagant in terms of money i have to spend. Which is why i ended up with this boring way of spending my 3 months but no complaints since i have been travelling quite frequently of recent times.

However, though less exciting than I would hope for, i guess these 3 months is meaningful and amazing in its way and I thank God for:

1) I managed to learn a tad bit of drum. And really by grace, i can drum something out despite my psycho motor problem

2) KEYBOARD! it's really a blessing. From ground zero to being able to play something (no doubt simple). And i still remember the excitement and joy when I first managed to sing and pray along with my own playing. It has really up my worship experience with Him.

And today, i had just started my new module in KB and it was such a blessing as well. I really experienced music as a language speaking right into my heart, how different chords speaks of different feel and moods. No words, just my teacher's playing and my heart was so stirred and I felt so ministered.

3)Chan Ik's visit to Singapore. Just SO happy and blessed to meet up with my overseas friend after a year. amazing how just being physically together for about 16 days and long periods of being away from each other can still enable a close friendship between us all.

4) The visit to the safari with chan ik and marilyn. I got the chance to take a closer and proper look at all God's creation. Man... I will never forget the lion roaring right at us. Its muscles and the way it shook its mane. Goodness. It was really just soooo majestic and amazing. And the walk into the Bats' enclave also forced me to take a closer look at bats and realised that they actually look more cute than scary.

5) the chance to re-explore Singapore and making the familiar strange (haha so soci) had allowed me to gain a different experience of my own land.

6) all the obstacles and difficulties encountered in both projects. what don't kill me only makes me stronger :D

projects

rysec and humanitarian endeavour... still hanging... and school's starting... ROAR

but yeah... obstacles can come, walls can hinder, but I will TEAR u all down. And as i bulldoze, Lord be my compass. please please be my pilot.

and sigh~ 친구고 동생도 많이보고싶은대

"There is one body and one Spirit-just as you were called to one hope when you were called- one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it... ... It was he who gave some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors, and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ maybe built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does it work. " (Ephesian 4:4-16)

How apt this sharing at service came last sunday. Indeed, everyone is gifted in different ways and thereby called to serve in different ways. Not everyone can minister. Not everyone can encourage. And certainly not everyone is called to teach as a pastor.

That's why we can only be made complete in unity. Exemplified by the example of Christ and His 12 disciples is the prototype of our modern day cell group. We're never meant to walk with Him alone but with our fellow brothers and sisters cos we're complete in unity. With this, we're accountable to each other and to Him. The walk is tough so encourage one another so that we can all achieve phil 3:14.

촘 슬퍼요...

missing

still miss my friend sucks. n it sucks even more without marilyn~~~

missing u guys,

the emo freak