rambling part 2

There is really soooo much i wanna do i wanna try. ARGH... but every door just seems to be closed. depressing really.

I wanna do an internship :((( ................ASEF, MFA, NYC all has no vacancies or requirements which i can't meet. sighh..... i wannna do my humanitarian project but there's this insurmountable hurdle. I wanna improve my musicality but within this holiday, there is really nothing too exciting i can achieve. arghhh... And there really isnt alot of summer holidays left too. With exchange n stuff, there really isnt alot of time for internship and fulfilling my dreams b4 i graduate.

Depressing. but ok amidst all depression, thank God for helping me pull through yet another sem safely and argh i managed to scrap through Japanese. Painful yes, but its a price to pay i know. Now, it leave me wondering if i shd cont to pursue it. As i was researching for internship opportunities with ASEF and MFA, it seems like going towards this direction would require me to know a foreign langauge. Ok not require but at least put me in good stead.

hell days ramblings

ok so it's now the weekends, but instead of rest, things picks up ever more in intensity. haha. ARGH i have to work even on weekends.

mon to thurs was work work work work. But alright, after work, there was still some fun. Mon evening was keyboard, tue was shopping, wed was timbre and thurs was drums. And FRIDAY was so exciting. There's no work!! It was a branch day out for the perm staff so us temp staff can go have the day off to play! Visited the Da Vinci Exhibition with Jesmine and Liz. Totally reccommend it!! Go witness the brilliance of this really eccentric perfectionist genius! Really there should be a simile "as patient as da vinci". He took years to paint Mona Lisa and The Last Supper! Every detail noted and payed attention to. aww. love those paintings.

And then it's now, one day down for my hell weekends. Decided to help out at the scout National Youth Programme Symposium amidst my hectic schedule. Making me pretty busy this weekend. Had to wake up in e wee hours this morning and tmr as well :(. Oh well, sigh and right after this tight weekend, it will b the start of my busy days. Took up another tuition assignment. So i gotta teach more, and still go for classes on some days after work and also on weekends. arghh.

alright complaints aside, i realised a phenomenon of late. There seem to be a rising trend of younger boys becoming cooler and more appealling, all thanks to the young idols out there. Goodness. argh wat happen to the oppahs?

Anyway, today at scouts, I gotta see the boys whom i havent meet for quite a long long time. Goodness! they have all grown lah. It feels quite strange and happy at the same time to see them gradually becoming man now instead of boys! N my friend's juniors have also became so outstanding. And time really flies and i get this feeling of nostalgia. Back then, it was me and my frenz running our PSA projects and they were the boys helping out. But today, it was their turn running their PSA projects and me watching as a bystander. It made me kinda miss my good old scouting days too. N i miss my friends too. But anyway disclaimer: i am not saying that the juniors are outstanding in any romantic sense, but for the TV idols ah yes!! Goodness, 동생장야!

time bomb

second day of work. argh it's really siansation and i am still spending more than what i earn. goodness. please save me. in a way i dread the coming of next week whereby my new tuition assignment commence as well, making me extra extra busy as i hv to work n give tuition. but its also good cos it's more income n less time to spend unnecessarily.

anyway, sian work aside, time is ticking. argh. i feel like a bomb has been strapped onto me and ticking away. i know i shouldnt be worrying about results cos i have God with me. I should have peace. As i was doing my quiet time, i came across something which talks about fear. Fear happens when you anticipate a punishment. But we have victory in Christ and thus we should have no fear. And also, faith in God means that I believe that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine in all circumstances, and so i can always rejoice. BUT all the "should be"s aside, I still get my nervous relapse. I think probably cos i really do fear that there many b punishment....

ok jitters aside, went to timbre tonight and caught up with jaime and got to talk to sean about YEP. sigh... everyone is really putting passion into action except me. It really got me thinking of late, that i am really indeed an all talk no action person. All grand visions but vision without action is just nonsense crap. Feeling a tad tad bit inferior. Like a bragging day-dreaming loser. oh man. hope i can get out this rut soon. it kinda sucks really.

"The Lord bless you and keep you;

The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;

and Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace"

(Numbers 6:24-26)

blessed weekend

this morning as I settled into my seat in service, I saw this piece of A4 paper, folded into halves, in the slot in front of me where the bibles are placed. Curious, I took the piece of paper and opened it. To my great great amazement! It is a handwritten piece of note from the talk i missed in church last night. I was just so awe stricken. How much more awesome is our God? Godness, He really hear our cry. And the note was so clearly written, with the header written n dated so it can not be mistakened for the summary of another talk. I was just so speechless and touched.

Apart from this miracle blessing, yesterday's cell on sabbath was really a blessing too. Shed a new revelation to me on the issue of sabbath. Never neglect your sabbath day. :) And today's service was just so awesome as well. We have a guest speaker today and man he really rocks! I feel sooo ministered. He really reminds me of those great US pastors who really just preach the word as the Spirit prompts. And the topic of Lordship was really a good reminder and a continuation of Ivan's sharing from the previous cell group I was in. Let us rememeber to pick up the cross daily, to put to death the unholy trinity (I, Me, and Myself) and humble ourselves before the Lord and follow Him. He's Lord of all areas of our life. Not just in our weakness but in our strength. The story of Peter catching no fish was so familiar and easily overlooked. But today the preacher brought me a new perspective. Peter was a seasoned fisherman, but God's sovereignty transcends all areas into area of our expertise. And if we submit to Him and listen, we will be like Peter catching a sooo much fish that his boat was gonna sink. How awesome. Praise to you Lord and Daddy!

沮丧的一夜

嗨。。。为了避免不必要的纠纷，以防当事人凑巧的阅读，在下的部落各（是这样写的吗？）就因此出现了百年一见的中文。发现自己很搞笑，有秘密的时候就会用外语来抒写。哈哈现在大家就可以从此由我选择的语言来猜猜我写的内容。如果是高度机密或是各人隐私的话题，那就连中文也不用，改用日语或韩语来替代。

刚从朋友的生日派对回来，感觉非常地不开心。不开心也并非完全是朋友的错。朋友的疏忽与招待不周的确是让我有些不满也觉得自己很傻。就白白的浪费了一个晚上的时间，又白花了钱去买礼物给这位朋友庆生，但对方显然的并不是非常的在乎这些友善的小举动也没丝毫的感动。也罢了，反正也不是什么亲近的朋友。所以也并不是特别的为自己所受到的待遇而感到气愤。

反而让自己非常懊恼的是自己的愚蠢。我怎么会做了个这么烂的决定？本来今晚打算如果不去教堂听讲座的话，就在家好好的把赴美学习交流那繁琐的手续处理一下，或好好的复习一下韩语为明天的韩语课做一下准备。好啦，现在讲座也没去，该做的事情也没达成，却换来了一肚子的懊恼。真气人。也对自己很失望。自己竟然因为贪玩和朋友的影响把听取上帝的教诲看的太轻了。好后悔又好抱歉。 把天父放在了第二位的位置又失去了听取宝贵知识的机会。自己真的是太笨了。今晚唯一的安慰就是有机会和与我同伴的朋友叙叙旧。但是也不是什么太大的安慰，和那朋友也不是很熟，感觉还是有一些些的变扭及尴尬。

哇。。。好久好久没有像这样的用华文来表达自己的想法与情感！感觉生疏了，语言能力也退化了， 但同时也感觉得到那时为这语言的美而着迷的那一部分的自己。好久以前的我，竟是倪匡和金庸小说的读者。那时也因为欣赏他们的文采而爱上了诗句， 时不时的也自己写个一两句来抒发自己的情感。当然，自己的文采可没那么的丰富有诗意。

不知为什么感觉好像这次用华语来抒写，文章似乎比用英语来的有内涵，英语怎么好像给人种较肤浅的感觉呢？可能我马铃薯吃太久了，真的忘了华文的美和内涵。

my otherwise boring days & exercise allergy

Met up with Rox for lunch and talked till tea time yesterday. goodness. time flies. and my lifestyle these days is really very tai-tai like. expensive and hedonistic man. but it was great catching up with her and our convo evolved from gossip session to htht. haha but yupz thanks dong saeng for trusting unnie enough to htht w me.

and this afternoon, was swimming with cherylene and lunchie w her. goodness. I'm lobster red now and my flesh are about medium-rare? :S Resting now before going off to meet Jaimie for dinner and catching up.

I think my digestive system these days is seriously wack since my return from Hong Kong. I get full really easily and if i continue to stuff myself after that I can expect myself to stay up till late at night cos i just cant sleep on a bloated stomach. It feels really uncomfy and I feel suffocated as well. My chest feels so constricted too. Makes me worried if it's actually heart disease and not indigestion.

Anyway, i had insomnia last night again from the dubious 'indigestion' and so i went to surf around and googled about this syndrome that i have when i run of late. After like almost an entire year of close to no exercise, I have recently started my healthy lifestyle campaign and i realised i just simply can not run over 5 minutes. My tighs will start to itch real bad. Apparently, this is a form of allergy. Yes I'm allergic to exercise. Goodness. Running brings about the sudden spike in body temperature which causes the skin to have an allergic reaction to it and 'hives' to form. And this 'exercise allergy' is actually more common than I had thought! So for those suffering the same fate as me, the solution is:
1) Don't run, choose a different sport where u won't itch. E.g. Swimming or cycling
2) Run regularly and try to overcome it. Let your body get used to it so it wont react anymore

welcome drum set and dinner @ Ju Shin Jung

First up, hectic afternoon today! Collected from Marcus's hand his precious drum set! N now it find itself comfortably resting in my house in my study! In place of my study table! LOL! No studying this summer only drumming (and keyboard! lol). Rest assured marcus, your lil baby is better off in my house than rotting in voices club room. I'll give it my love and care. :))

Drum set, you really wear me out this afternoon. My gosh. Luggin it from the carpark to the lift and up my house and finally assembling them argh really sap me dry of energy. Drummy u better be nice to me too! Oh well fatigue aside, I felt so accomplished too! Lugging it to my house alone from the carpark and then assembling them in less than an hour! *applause*

Ok so after an exhausting time, it was the really great dinner with Marilyn and Joyce at Ju Shin Jung. Second time at Ju Shin Jung but it's still so awesome. Yummy food and great ambience. Love sitting on the traditional floor and having my korean bbq and sojus! 맜이서! :))

Man... I am addicted to 술... 우리 서주, 백세수, and new discovery today 사산춘 다 촣아!

vocal class sign up?

hmm.. shd i sign up for vocal class?? soo tempted. but soo expensive. :((

keyboard #1

Went for my first keyboard class at BelieverMusic today.

I was pretty nervous at first going for class alone, not knowing a single soul and not having any music knowledge. But the teacher was just nice and about my age (how sad i am sooo talentless at my age) i think so there's less pressure. And my classmates are all mostly working adults as i've predicted. I'm young!! :))

Anyway i love how the class is being conducted. It's really different from other music classes. At Believer, it's really very God centred. The teacher would pray before we commence and we all conclude with worship using the very song we learnt. And yupz true to what they advertised, haha you really can play a song by the end of the 1st class (no doubt a very simple tune). Though it's a simple song, but man... singing to your own playing is really sooo different!! It's like worship up to another level. You can really feel what you are singing and u get that warm fuzzy feeling.

And i realised i have been learning alot of things at a very steep learning curve of late. Japanese at NUS is madness, drum is madness rapid pace too, even korean is picking up its pace of late. So today's class really come across as rather slow paced. Haha. It's not bad to finally have the chance to take your time to learn. Though greedy me hope to learn more in a shorter time. But anyway just the 1st class might be too early to say much. Hope i can continue to keep up and stay in pace :)

charity concert

Just returned home from this mini gig done by some of my jc mates to raise funds for their YEP project. Man~~~ i am like envious of them and at the same time re-charged by them and hopeful once again.

I had been wanting to do my own project for like close to 2 years. All the plans lain out but stranded. Really, if God isn't for it, the labourers shall toil in vain. All the obstacles and setbacks over the past 2 years was just sooo discouraging. And it was this year that i decided to take things into my own hands and not wait for others. I had counted upon this mentor for the entire time and all I went was just round and round in circles. And it was then that I realised, i had counted on the wrong person. I should have counted on Him. In His time, the right door will open. I have to seek out the liaison and establish the network connections on my own according to His plans. So yes, this realisation didnt really help me much, it was still a seemingly unsurmountable boulder to my dream and the desire to give up is always at the back of my head.

So tonight was really another source of motivation and inspiration for me again. And i see once again some clues that may lead to some doors for me. I'm envious and inspired at the same time cos those guys were doing exactly the plans that i had for mine. Charity gigs to raise funds for their own project. How awesome. N one not done by any school organisation and therefore not bounded by anything. oh wth.

And anyway i think God has given me the answer too to the questions that i have been pondering as well. What I am doing now is really just sharpening my tools. Picking up drums, keyboards, learning to sing will serve me well in the future. I have to be patient and tenacious. He will open doors for me to love and serve others but first i gotta learn how to love and serve. He will give me a big platform and stage to perform and bring joy to others but first i gotta learn to be a good performers that can move hearts. Yupz!

Ok so serious matter aside, tonight turned out to be unexpectedly fun. Didnt had much hopes on today's gig. I went totally with the mentality of just supporting Jaime and to accompany Jesmine though i seriously doubt she needed my companion cos she know sooo many of the people who were at the concert. But nonetheless, glad i went and Jaime was really the epitome of still water runs deep. MY GOODNESS. Her guitar really really ROCKS. WOOHOO she's really so humble for me to only discover her talent tonight. goodness.

And tonight, i also got to see many old faces whom i haven't met in a while. People like gao li, jairus, hao tian, sean etc. Some expected to see and some unexpected. Even Joel popped up and we just surprised each other with our presence. Hao Tian was another surprise too. Havent seen him for real long! And caught up abit with Jairus. wah.. it just had been so long. it's nice to see everyone lah. And haha even tonight's band!! The Laidcomers!! Ok they may not know, but they appeared in this camp magazine that i did for my PSA project during my venture scout days. Goodness. They were the band that played at Camp Youthnique which was Adam's project then and I was involved as well as camp press. Time flies. Wooo... all feelings of nostalgia come flooding back. haha. And after many years, Laidcomers you guys have improved man! (though technically, only 2 of them were form the old band, e rest are new members). The drummer rocks!

And another surprise at the concert. There was this familiar face that played with the guest band. Haha, and that's Sean/Shawn (not sure the spelling) from Voices! The music director 2 batches our senior. So honoured to hear the legend play today. Anyway it was the usual typical scene of "I think I know you and i think you know i know you too". Didnt show recognition of him as i doubt he knows of my presence in voices, though i thought he showed signs that he recogised who i am. Anyway neither of us made any approach or attempt to go recognise and say hi. K lame episode. But oh well his kb rocks and my fren thinks he's cute.

insomnia and its random rattling

it's getting late and i have nothing much to do that i have to get it done by tonight. yet i can't sleep. don't wanna go to bed cos i know i will b tossing and turning like last night. And tossin and turning is so bad for your skin, gives u wrinkles. KBS world documentaries are really changing my lifestyle man. I now wanna sleep on my back (face up), drink luke warm water, speak at a higher pitch, try and experiment cooking my own food so i dont have to eat THAT much processed food. OK anyway back to insomnia, argh... how frustrating.

aimless summer. arghhh. my beautiful summer shouldn't be like this. i wanna see the world. i wanna interact with street kids! give them food and candies, teach them useful things, tell them they are loved by me, by many, by Him. I even wanna busk on the streets, bring some music and joy to everyone, to the poor. sigh~~

And last night while tossing and turning it struck me. Yes drumming and keyboarding, trying to sing better, and my desire to pick up violin all over again makes me excited and makes me feel that my time is better spent. But is this all? gosh. I'm seriously back to my days in secondary sch, complaining all day long of being bored. I'm seriously bored. Hanging out with friends is not working (after movies tonight, i am still back home bored), learning music is not working, finding a job is not gonna work too. I'm bored~~I need a purpose and the means to go. I wanna perform. I wanna reach out.

sigh. and SEP procedure is sooooo complicated! the consultation this afternoon is so not useful enough. arghh but i have to brave it all! I have to make sure i step into UC campus smoothly! UC and America are the next exciting episode for me now.

Vocal Cords

Watched a documentary on vocal cords last night on kbs world. ahh.. everyone can have a good voice. that's real good news. anyway i think i am going to change the way i speak from now on. to my 'telephone mode' even on the normal occassions. According to the voice expert from LA (he had trained like lots of celebs) interviewed, the average person's speaking voice should be higher than his/her natural one- the one he's been speaking all along. N there's actually a C-Spot to press to test where's you natural voice range man.

And if u speak correctly, not only will u sound better (produce more harmonics and less diffused sound, n thus capture your listener's attention better), you also help to protect your vocal cords and not develop nodules and spoil your own voice quality. so yupz from now on, I'll speak like i sing. LOL

And voice nodules is real scary. makes me wonder if i have already damaged my own vocal cords from my inappropriate singing self-training days. Shall drink more lukewarm water from now on and always breath from my abdomen when i sing so that i will never strain my vocal cords.

Seperate note... man i had insomnia last night. Goodness. Holidays really brings u much thoughts... so much that u cant even sleep in peace. Just kept lying in bed and wondering...abt all random things and episodes

お勧め

Those who have yet to listen to Utada Hikaru's latest english album, do check it out man. Ah mind blowing songs. Love the classic-pop fusion with Come Back to Me and Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence (n of cos other songs r just as nice). aww

Drum (session 4)

4th drum class! time really flies! so sadd... it's just 2 more classes to the finale. booohooo... so sad, it just cant end this soon man! i am just beginning to feel the rhythmn in me. ARGH

anyway learnt alot more fill ins today and 16th beat is gradually getting more n more manageable now.

aww, how i love that drummer seat. Seated there with your drumsticks at hand, one gets transported into another world. 4 taps on your drumsticks and off comes the 1st hit and then all else follows. Total concentration, i see nothing else n hear nothing else but the counting. As u clashed the final beat, my gosh there comes this sense of empowerment. Mesmerizing. Exhilarating.

anyway on another note, met up w bloopie today to teach him korean haha. got a taste of being my korean teacher. but bloopie u're a pretty fast learner lah! though i had a bit of fun seeing u try to read and reading with a weird accent. haha. i think my korean teacher must be dying from internal injury each week when he hear us read.

and on another note! the new shop at doby sells LOTS of BB cream
사고싶어요~~~

mini photo journey 2

post holiday withdrawal really sucks... curing it with pictures viewing

all thanks to that random dude in hong kong... i went to check out his 'brother' and arghh i now find myself like a lil fan girl youtubing on idol performances. oh man... this sucks.

but he's really talented. it turns out that hmm... wat that dude said maybe true. he may really just be the brother since both of them are from canada and they do look a tad bit alike. oh well if it's true then really like wat marilyn say " we shd hv asked him to intro us his brother!" lol~~ joking joking.

anyway check him out if you're not convinced of his talent. man... i'm once again swooning over the violin! why did i give up violin so much earlier on in life?!!! rarr!!


his classical musician side.


his pop star side.

awwww~~

tiny getaway

oh my goodness, time really flies and in a flash here i am back home typing this miserable post-holiday withdrawal entry. awwww.

went with marilyn to Hong Kong after the exams for a few days. n managed to squeeze in an impromptu trip to macau as well, took a one day break frm our shallow eating n shopping spree in hong kong for some more cultured heritage-visiting programmes in macau.

anyway though this trip is just the 2 of us (no other foreign friends made, no delegates, no intellectual exchanges at forums etc.), it was still a really fun trip. N havin been to hong kong plenty of times, marilyn n i really pretty much went around without our maps n we just amazingly find our way to all the places we wanna go haha. N though its not a new place to explore, it was still really fun and exciting. hunting down the value buys that played hide n seek with us, the yummy dim sums that one can never get sick off, n all the lovely imported cosmetics n skincare products at really low prices!! These aside, there was also all the random episodes which is just hilarious n pretty exciting, of which one i shall elaborate later on.

second time in macau, but this time i managed to visit some other places which i missed out the first time i went. so it was st paul's, this church, st dominic (i thk), this chinese style old mansion by this wealthy merchant ( it was so fun posing with the furnitures and parts of the house as if it was our home), and the really famous Hotel Resort Venetia (where the korean drama Boys over Flowers was shot). oh man.... Venetia was sooooo awesome. i had wanted to visit since the 1st time i went to macau. So taking the gondola ride was a dream come true. marilyn n i were so excited during the ride. it was like around 40 bucks for 10 mins :S Anyway it was fun fun fun and we had a portugese dinner. too bad we missed the egg tart though.

Last night in hong kong was also uber fun. after we shopped till we drop, we made our way down to lan kwai fong. man... that place is really awesome. love it. arghhh just dont like it here man. how can holland village compare to it?! Anyway we decided to try out this Russian bistro n we found out that russian food is actually very yummy!! and there's this freeze room (-20 degrees) where ppl can really go in n chill literally n we went in after our meals n drinks to chill as well before we leave. uber fun.

anyway so here comes the funny episode. man... random things really just love entering into my life. so at the russian bar, marilyn n i were just chilling out with our drinks after our food when this guy from the next table suddenly just walked over and started a conversation with us. Goodness. All singaporean men out there, please learn from this guy. "Hi can i be your friend" really won't work, but learn frm the pick up master. That guy was just amazing man. He could carry on with the conversation when marilyn n i just kept answering his questions and nothing else. So he asked, we answered n we dont initiate anything else. n he went on n on with his qns and close-to-monologue dialogue. but ok lah, it was quite exciting in a way n fun. spice up life. n since he's not sooo weird n random (like mr starbucks) and he look pleasant, it was quite entertaining.

and guess wat? he claimed to be the brother of this guy from this band Super Junior M, which left marilyn n I wondering if it's true, though we had like 80% doubt.

mini photo journey. loads more on facebook! :)))

fond memories love love!!

LIBERTE!

WOOOOHOOOO it's FINALLY the holidays!! oh yay!!

and i just returned home from singing haha. had dinner with tze, ange, jewel, n bloopie followed by k-box session with may n bloopie! Oh yay. hearty singing session we had. sang from around 11 to 3am. haha my my. And i think i did improve a fair bit on my singing. figured out how to support my head voice better with diaphragm so now i can hit higher n still sound firm.

Anyway, was reading up on the swine flu developments. man... it's really such bad time! i am flying off to hong kong in like 2 days (or rather 1 day) time. :S kinda scary.

people please keep me in prayers!! And my friend who's travelling with me- marilyn!! :))

frantic reading

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

read read read read read read read read read read read

goodness... back aches and temperature literally rising from the intensity of brain activity. :(((

LAST TWOOO c'mon!!!

mounting stress

Never never never ever ever leave your readings to the last moment.... you will just go blind readin them and mug your guts out. :(

"so take my hand and
save me frm this place,
heaven knows i'm fallin
for you my sweet embrace,
heaven knows heaven knows
i've been waiting for u"

awww save me Lord~~