insomnia and its random rattling

it's getting late and i have nothing much to do that i have to get it done by tonight. yet i can't sleep. don't wanna go to bed cos i know i will b tossing and turning like last night. And tossin and turning is so bad for your skin, gives u wrinkles. KBS world documentaries are really changing my lifestyle man. I now wanna sleep on my back (face up), drink luke warm water, speak at a higher pitch, try and experiment cooking my own food so i dont have to eat THAT much processed food. OK anyway back to insomnia, argh... how frustrating.

aimless summer. arghhh. my beautiful summer shouldn't be like this. i wanna see the world. i wanna interact with street kids! give them food and candies, teach them useful things, tell them they are loved by me, by many, by Him. I even wanna busk on the streets, bring some music and joy to everyone, to the poor. sigh~~

And last night while tossing and turning it struck me. Yes drumming and keyboarding, trying to sing better, and my desire to pick up violin all over again makes me excited and makes me feel that my time is better spent. But is this all? gosh. I'm seriously back to my days in secondary sch, complaining all day long of being bored. I'm seriously bored. Hanging out with friends is not working (after movies tonight, i am still back home bored), learning music is not working, finding a job is not gonna work too. I'm bored~~I need a purpose and the means to go. I wanna perform. I wanna reach out.

sigh. and SEP procedure is sooooo complicated! the consultation this afternoon is so not useful enough. arghh but i have to brave it all! I have to make sure i step into UC campus smoothly! UC and America are the next exciting episode for me now.