jpop

Love this song to bits!! crystal kay with kaname woohoo!

I can feel my old love for chemistry coming back. they just sound sooo good. and i can feel the

love for jpop rekindling these days. good good!

i need to immerse myself in japanese culture. dont feel like giving up. such a waste.

Finding back my old passion for all things japanese :)

JLPT, I'll mug hard to own u! but for now... it's all my readings n pathetic deadlines ;(

time is running out

thanks to my fren who did a bit of simple maths for me, the harsh reality has hit me hard n strong. with just about 2 n a half sem time more to battle (minus away sep), time is really running out for me to up my cap to my dream cap. no dilly dallying priviledges.

n this sem is worrying... it's so mega loaded with work... :(

i know i should hv learnt by now to really let go n let God. but oh well one can't help but worry n desire as well. it would really be such a pleasant affair to wear the grad robe with pride n to make my parents smile till their lips tear. n it would be sooo good if i can be offered a chance to do grad studies with no financial woes. But i guess, i should stop dreaming and have more faith instead that He'll provide and bring me to where He had put my mind to, where He wants me to be.

I need Your grace Lord. n i deeply fear the coming darkness. the surge of work that threatens to drown me.

and today was really the start of tiring tuesdays! it's already a killer day for me with lessons back to back from 8am-4pm n then rushing straight to teach tuition. but now after tuition, i've one more n possibly 2 more added things to rush for. korean class n jamming. oh my gosh.... I'm SO SO SO tired now.

n the piece i have to play for friday's kb class "test" is so worrying as well. i dont know how the heck to play the verse in ballad!! :(((

너알고싶어>.<

ここにいるよ

so addicted to the song そばにいるね(soba ni iru ne) and this is the guy version to the song called ここにいるよ(koko ni iru yo). this came out first and later soba ni iru ne as the response song by the girl. aww romantic.

last days of recess

i'm a sucker. the week is coming to an end. but my mount of work is still there cos i got distracted along the way. and distracted by what? by dramas. pathetic me. arghhh i'm turning into an otaku :((( stuck between my fantasy and what is real, i chose to wander off to the fictional land of dramas cos reality is just soooo not exciting. n i feel the plasticness of my life. so fake. exciting things always in the far away land.

そばにいるね

oh man... thanks to this stupid taiwanese idol drama that i'm addicted to i found out about this song: そばにいるね by 青山テルマ. aww in love with it. listen to its melody on the keyboard. hope i can play this piece somehow....

the black n white keys

playing ballad is really the bane of my life... impossible to play let alone sing along as i play. since its introduction into class, my grades have just been dropping all the way. n wat's more the fill-ins to do. plus the transition to other rhythm becomes so awkward and i'll lag. n all the inversions messed up. arghhhh bane of my life!

n the new song to master by friday's class is boohoo.... can't even figure out the inversions!

mount readings

tonnes to read and tonnes to do. a multitude of deadlines.

stressssssssssssssss

i will survive. Lord save me!! :(

feel like singing:

(1) Use Somebody- kings of leon, cover by paramore

(2) Drops of Jupiter- train

(3) The Man Who Can't Be Moved- the script

(4) Living on a Prayer (extreme challenge)

(5) My Sacrifice (implausible)/Faraway

(6) Invisible life - ashley parker angel

(7) Unbeautiful- lesley roy

Scared I'll lose the tone for ballads if i try to sing these... lol

답답해~~야! 정신차려! 포기하지마!

mongolia

just caught the volunteer show on channel u. this celeb went to mongolia for a summer camp. arghhh i really miss workcamps! :((

n beautiful plains of mongolia n the endearing kids. ahhhhh i really wanna go.

Is it another sign n encouragement from Him? I'm gonna grab this open door seriously.

the self

having friends who are low around you allow one to think and reflect as well. and i come to a conclusion for the learning lesson this time round: it's just soooo important for one to spend time with oneself and to study and understand yourself.

Man are reflexive creatures. All our actions often take into consideration the opinions of others. Our confidence and self-esteem too is enmeshed in the opinions of others. In taking the short cut and morphing ourselves into the ideal image of a man or woman in the eyes of others, what have we done? We skipped the steps in between and missed out on the developing phase of our true character. What would we be in our purest form had we not taken the short cut to mould into the image of others?

In taking the short cut and making ourselves into this ideal image, the taste of success and acceptance from others build our confidence and self-esteem. But as setbacks strikes, as the others reject us, what will happen? This confidence and self-esteem which is built up upon the basis of these others crumbles as well because the foundation is hallow, because we have skipped that important step of self-building. We become lost with our own identities. Don't know who we are and who we wanna gonna be. There's nothing on which we're grounded on. Looking on to our friends, we still find no answer. Because we're our own sole worker in building that foundation of self-understanding.

In bad times, it's really good to have friends who will stand by you. But really, that's as far as friends can go. Cos no one else can be the builder of yourself. It's just God and you. Bear the pruning period and you'll emerge stronger and setbacks are the only way of building that foundation strong.

and to myself: Let's not envy, let's not compromise, let's not give in, let's not give up.

mounting work and ramblings

the recess week has began for me but looking at my schedule ahead it seems to me tough times are just ahead lol. the coming month of october will be a hell for me. this sem really seems to bring alot more work than before. why the sudden surge in workload i wonder?

Things to do done in sequence of urgency:

1) Twilight Samurai Film Analysis

2) eropagnis project for anthropology

3) 'gift' assignment (anthro)

4) yakuza dossier

5) mafia project (samurai module)

5) mid term paper for social theory

6) political science essay.

7) social research project

of which 1 and 2 is due after the term break and 3 and 4 shortly after. And so, this term break i have to chiong no. 1-4, and start thinkin of 5 and 6 a well.

And i have no time to study for my JLPT ahhhh. And my korean is left to destitution. Feel like joining another cca. feel like knowing more new friends. feel like gg for vocal classes. wanna form a band n do gigs. But time is limited. I've volunteered as support singer for the anglican centenary celebration as well. very excited and also very apprehensive about the rehearsal and stuff.... worried abt juggling. And rysec too has returned to haunt, now apparently, every team has to present their proposal on judging day and so the worse is far from over. arghh. and of cos the humanitarian aspiration. really my plate is full again i think.

speaking of which, i really hope that the current door that opened is indeed the path to take. after several setbacks, Moses wannabe (that's me) is getting tired. But really i see again that it is really during such time of loss and weariness that u finally allow space for God's working. N God has opened a totally unexpected door this time. Please pray for me my friends that it'll all work out cos the opportunity presented now seems sooo promising.

somehow i feel, i'm filling my plate up cos i'm just too sian. Waiting for december to come, for holidays to come, for exchange to come, for the days of meeting new faces of different walks of life and nationalities to come again. n i really hope for mongolia to come as well. i'm yearning for US and even more so the excitement of being in a foreign land and the infinite possibilities. Before that, should i fly over to sydney to find marilyn and travel with her to new zealand? wanna visit auckland. wanna catch up with my friend. wanna go hiking n camping in NZ. wanna stay in farms! but will it be too much to ask for since i will b gg to the US already? *counting my cash*

Dead Sea Scroll Exhibition

Went with the sunday school kids to the Dead Sea Scroll Exhibition this morning and the exhibition are indeed fascinating and very enriching. Lots of dated ancient bible copies on display, biblical historical facts on display and of course the world famous dead sea scroll. Seeing those fragment bits before my eyes really just struck me how real our faith is.

For those who don't know what the dead sea scroll is, these scrolls are chapters of the Old Testament in the bible written donkey donkey years back before Christ, containing on many accounts prophecies on the birth of Christ years down. It's so amazing how these scrolls had managed to survive the time and environmental conditions (though they're all in tiny bits now) to present to us today an unwavering evidence of the authenticity of the bible. And even more fascinating, comparing the content of the book of isaiah, which is the only complete piece of surviving scroll, the content still match up perfectly with the current bible.

Found this quote by Martin Luther at the exhibition and it was truly inspiring:

"Faith is a living, daring confidence in God's grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times."

worship

led worship at cell for the second time. thankfully somehow as i started, all the butterflies in my stomach just disappeared. and i think it really helped a lot that i have been listening to the songs i had chosen like OVER AND OVER again the entire close to 3 hours before cell and quite often throughout the week as well. argh. fortunately, i really love those songs, so it didn't stress out my ears all that much.

and second time, i think there's some improvement from my first attempt. finally, i didnt feel that my brain is gonna split from all the multi-tasking, and the signalling comes more naturally now. There were still some awkward parts no doubt but i felt an improvement from the previous time. And thanks to our cell people who are just really nice, not minding being a fool for God and all dancing along to our opening song despite some awkwardness.

And i really thank God for His help that i could still worship as I lead this time round. previously, these 2 tasks somehow couldn't co-exist. And in fact, i was quite moved as we came to the closing song. God really made it happened the way i had envisioned. the minimal music pure worship, the voices of everyone slowly building up as we sang the song as a prayer.

But anyway, long long way to go. much much to work on. so add oil add oil!

caught time traveller after cell, with the rover peeps. Gosh... work is kicking in, and i am still too caught up with my leisure time. argh... :( hung out late at wala wala yesterday, and then movie tonight. arghh... there's still all these readings and my PS mid term!! :((( sigh~~ but thank God, at least this hectic week is over, duties for cell completed, project outline submitted, route 66 sorta memorised. phew~

anger management

i think i'm gettin violent these days (no no not in the sense that i wack ppl or break thgs). think i need anger management. when i get angry, i get sooooo angry and nothing can appease me. this is bad. n it doesnt even matter if i understood the reason or that i am unreasonable. nothing appease me.

too much soju? too much meat intake? subconsciously stressed?

the aftermath...

the aftermath of a hedonistic lifestyle is a busted stomach and a busted throat. not the mention the extra ounces gained. ARGHHHHHH

after an intensive past week of hanging out late, eating and drinking, things culminated with the steamboat on wednesday where i officially busted my stomach. oh gosh.

and joyce came over yesterday for dinner... so i ate again but without busting myself. instead, i busted her. yay!

the yummy dishes we have:

and we had fun youtubing over one soju till late x_x

Fried pork with kimchi

my goodness this dish really can make me drool. And i managed to whip it up on my own and it taste sooo yummy (though it look so ugly)~~ i had one yesterday dinner and again for dinner tonight. just cant resist making them and eating them.

and i'll be hosting joyce for dinner tomorrow after these trial runs. haha my 1st time letting a friend try my korean culinary. wonder what will be the verdict! shall make budaechigae and fried pork kimchi. :D will have rice, seaweed and soju too!

shall i make desert? next few items i would wanna try making: homemade whip cream to go with scones, creamy mushroom soup (the yummy soup which kerhan made!), baking successful cupcakes w icing and all!

fluffy pretty bed

just changed my comforter cover and bedsheets. yay. new theme.

aww so fluffy and pretty!

off for my sweet dream! :D

party time

I don't know since when that i become so called more dao and less incline in making new friends. ok don't get it wrong. i am pretty sociable a person but just that the common feedback i get is that if it's the 1st few times u see me and we don't get to share much interaction, most likely u'll get the impression that i am a pretty fearsome creature. haha strange.

But anyway i really do love meeting new people and making new friends but i guess setting is really important for me. like i really love going to youth forums and meeting other people. it's really interesting. and i enjoy making friends of different nationalities. so i guess due to these more exotic settings, i've forgotten the usual settings of everyday which bring u chances of meeting new people as well. Or rather the idea of making new friends in daily setting seem less exciting to me, too ordinary or just too superficial and a chore. so tonight was really really unexpectedly fun. very refreshing i would say to go for outings and parties not just w the usual gang of frenz but meeting other new people as well. Adds this level of freshness. :))

so i finally visited another club (mountain tortoise me have always been gg to zouk n no where else) tonight. Went to Arena to join in this event held by piggy's grassroot. And met piggy's bunch of friends. really cool to finally meet them in person. Have been hearing their names all through my JC days during conversation with Piggy but i've never seen them except just 2 of them. Anyway these bunch of crazy dudes are really humorous and fun to hang with. Brenda and I had so much fun just watching them play crazy drinking games and joining in occasionally, and of cos we laughed hell lot over their lame crap jokes. And tonight i saw a different side of pig as well and the meaning of 'brotherhood'. its really just like my bunch of 'sisterhood' frenz n i. And i just suddenly feel very blessed to hv great friends around me and to know that my frenz have awesome frenz around them too.

anyway so it was all fun until my way home when i keena road block. SOOOO crappy. i was made to get out of the car and get my i/c taken down for no apparent reason. where's transparency? and yes, i unfortunately sustained a baluku on the outer corner of my right eye too when i bumped myself onto the car door when trying to get back into the car. stupefying.