fatigue thoughts

how do u know that u are really tired to the max?

when u dont feel the need to sleep despite e fact that u slept really little, just fatigue n zonk-outness...
when u are numb to the fatigue...
when ur hands shake for no reason...

now for some food for thoughts...
does someone get outcasted or does the person outcast himself or herself by withdrawing from the crowd cos he/she feels that he/she is not good enough?
On the other hand, does trying your best to fit in n pushing your way in be necessarily the thing to do? Both extreme cases and take the middle ground, be moderate? Then what is the moderate point?

When you feel pressured or put down... when inferiority gets the better of u, do u lament? do u withdraw? do u wish for more opportunities given?
I think for this one the answer is clear cut. the only way is to get better. when u get stronger, opportunities will then come knocking. For it is only when you're a talent that ppl will come seeking for u. Such pragmatism of the world.

what to do! Haha only God doesn't evaluate a person's worth. :)

Friggin stress... my refuge

Endless japanese homework + stupid SSA paper due on thurs + Social Psyc project to rush out by friday = FRIGGIN STRESSSsssss

And what can i do? when stress seek God.


A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

must watch!

agree to every single last bit of it.

inspirations and dreams

Inspired, encouraged and touched once again by my Lord, my sheperd, my love.

Dreams rekindled and restored. thank you!!

Stumbled upon this I-Heart-Revolution movement. oh man... how awesome.

One day... I hope I can write songs of praises, sing songs of praises and act in love. To love in a ever bigger magnitude.

so challenging and daunting!!

delayed birthday post

seeing others blogged about my own birthday party made me realised that i myself hadnt even blogged about it!! crapp!!

feel so sadden by my own lazyness. so crappy!! but i am just so busy.

Anyway so this year's birthday was really like none before. Probably will be my first and last birthday party of such grand scale. It's really a pretty atas party dream come true. All thanks to Daddy.

N yes thanks to voices too, that my dream of having a party with live band performances can come true as well. So sweet lah everyone.

But it also felt kinda strange, to be working on the party programme and also settling with the hotel the decos n preparing my own music and slides, and also party favours. so weird! n also the nights of painting the masks for decos. so proud of my own own art work man.

but yeah felt strange cos the usual ones are thrown by my really really sweet frenz who will stunned and surprise me w all sorts of patterns thought out. But well, the prezzies were stunning too this year. N live perf items were sweet surprises too!

Anyway all in all, it was really a lovely night of being a princess. Man... it feels really blissful to be a princess for a night. N am so happy that everyone loves my self-designed gown too! N ah yes thank the hair saloon unnie for the lovely hair do. Always trust a pair of korean hands :)

So now, i shall just top it off this entry w some pictures. man this blog hasn't seen any fotos for so long... i just become so so lazy... :S






Fave foto! thanks oppah!






kk simply too much fotos. all on fb anyway so yeah. enjoy viewing on fb! n fotos r all courteousy of others hahaha... my own fotos size too big to upload n too lazy to resize. la la la

Sniper

MONSTER LASER SHOOT OUT COMPETITION!!!

so yesterday and today was just so so uber fun! i'm so glad to have joined the competition. I was pretty hestitant at first cos with all the workload breathing down my neck, i shouldn't be playing right? But glad i decided to join n spent some time with my rover friends whom i have hardly spent time with of late.

man... being with them really just bring this feeling of great nostalgia and comfort. Really... it's just so comfy with people whom u know for long, been thru thick n thin with, ppl whom u can really just trust freely. Awesome friends and we have great chemistry too!!

Anyway so at first we all thought that we're just gonna embarrasss ourselves by joining! but goodness. with our great chemistry, mini ops-plan and a bucket of luck, we actually emerged 2nd in e competition that lasted 2 days!! *woohoo*

so now i discover the potential to be robin hood and also sniper, what's next? *excited*

anyone interested in archery and laser gun pls jio me! :D oh... n golf too!! man... my PC has expired lah... sadness.... shd hv gone straight into handicap! but no moolah...

Growing

watched in drama something about those china wares making process. those clay stuff. If there's flaws, the only way to go about is to shatter it and toss it into the fire and make a new one.

In making a new one, the craftman had to sit there for hours and mould it with love, gentleness, and care. Then it has to brave the intense furnace. And come out nice beautiful and pleasing in the craftmen's eyes.

Parallels life doesn't it? Shattering hurts. But in a way, it the only way to say good bye to a less pleasant past to become a better ware. To become good wares, we have to trust the craftman's professionalism in moulding. And to endure the furnace. But even in the furnace, the craftman never leaves. He has to make sure the temperature is just nice, and not too much. Just enough for the ware to bear.

Love and Self

Sound like one of my social psyc module chapters but oh well. All the talks with friends have got me back into my thinking mode.

Was in lecture today, when my friend nearly broke down. In him/her i see a battered soul. So battered, i could feel it and it hurts. Hurt so bad. Yes some of you guys actually thinks that i am a thking and unfeeling person. But it really depends on the situation. I would say that i actually feel feelings more acutely than others. And she/he is not the only one of late. Oh gosh, it's the season of emo if there is even such thing. And the cause of most emo-ness is? Love.

Everyone desire to be loved and to love someone. Who doesn't? But do we let our own identity and sense of worth get all mangled up in love?

And at the very first place, love shouldnt even be so myopic. When we fret over not being loved or having no one to love, how about those children out there in the world who do not even have a home, who do not know what's loneliness cos they have never felt otherwise, who are dying by the second without even knowing that they are loved.To die without knowing the greatest love of all. Can we have the bigger capacity to love them as well?

As a soci major, I am suppose to have a very open-minded worldview of things. But face it, I hold strong views on certain issues. And I don't agree there should be any compromise.

My friend, it really struck me when u said about not getting respect. I guess as girls especially, we have to earn that respect from guys. we're not to be treated as they wish. We ought to learn to love ourselves first before others can learn to love us the right way. We need to respect ourselves before others would respect us. Respect ourselves, and to hold on to our sense of worth. Our identity and sense of worth lies in us and not others. No one else can take that away from us.No one can trample on our hearts.

And for the part on guys, it brings to mind the session on Godly men and women. It's a God-given duty to men to love and protect the women. Eve was made from the side of Adam's ribs, to be his equal, to be beside him (not above him to dominate him or below him to b stepped by him) to be protected n loved by him. And to love and protect, encompasses honouring your women. Just as how Joseph had protected Mary's honour, it's wat a Godly men should do. Or rather all men should do. To honour and respect the women and don't put her in such vulnerable positions. This is chilvary.

Are we in love with someone or in love with love? why go through so much ordeal to try to 'rectify' oneself so as to win a someone to love and get love from? I think at the end of the day, we'll still all be disappointed bcos no other one can truly feel how u feel and understand you a 100%. in the end, it'll never be suffice. Only God can fill that void. So what is it that we're striving so hard to get? Afterall the greatest love is already given free.

And i guess, we don't have to be so harsh on ourselves as well. No one can love another person a 100%, only He can. So let's just love in the capacity given to us, for any more or less brings hurt.

Alright enough of my utopian views. You might think that i'm young that's why. Perhaps, it may be the taste of loneliness is still far off. But I guess, I prefer to say let's just have more faith. Daddy knows best and has arranged the best for us. Single or attached. You can be assured that you'll definitely be happy where u stand if u know your foundation is on Him

love song for no.1

Haha for a lack of a better idea for a title, let's just use a nice song frm corrinne may. bought a keyboard w my friends' assistance yesterday. really really excited!! N Lord please bless it and bless my learning that one day i can really write beautiful songs with it. Love Song for No.1! :)

So how's school been treating me? This sem is really alot more different from last sem. Last sem it felt like i could study more cos of lesser involvment in club activities and social activities. But this sem is really still very lethargic. But this doesnt mean that it's not stressful. It's helluva stressful now, with 2 projects due REAL soon n yet I can barely even see an apparition of its form! ARGHH it's really a game of sitting tight as the clock keeps ticking away n having faith that somehow the work will b done in time. your group mates will just wake up in time with your nudges n realise the time is running.

mid terms, term papers etc... seem pretty bleak though i've only gotten back my japanese midterm which i was right, i messed up the paper. oh gosh. really another sem of faith testing!! Have faith and don't give up. God can deliver miracles! But of cos it doesnt mean i am sitting back n nt doing anythg. I'm gonna work my guts out. Focusing on the task at hand n not the end cos He'll take care of it. :)

Anyway i got pulled back to this dead blog to block again cos feelings are just so over-whelming these days. First up, positive ones. Really feel so so so blessed by all my friends who have made my party such a memorable one! Thank you daddy n mommy for allowing me to b a little princess for a night. N thank you all my frenz who have all chipped in to get me really awesome presents. You guys really spoil me. And all the lovely voices peeps who practised so hard n do your very best to put up a good gig. N also thanks to all the lovely frenz who had encouraged me in singing. But most of all thank you Daddy for making all this possible. You've worked your lil magic again, to allow for such a smooth n cosy party, my nice make-up n hair all nicely done up, lovely frenz to have etc.

And now the not so nice ones (which have turned into nice ones as well). Man... uni is really the start of an ugly world. Every corner u turned, there may just be a troubled soul out there. And with all your frenz emo-ing away, u really cant help but emo along a lil. Yet all these encounters make me once again really really thankful. N truly knowing Daddy has been the greatest gift i received. I've been feeling so dry for such a long while, but surprisingly through this period I am revived and yes I'm convinced once more of His goodness. Thanks Daddy for being my pillar of strength, my knight in shining armour, my comforter, the only one one can trust a 100%