sweet

A friend of mine came into the LT with a big parcel today. Oh gosh. We were so envious of her when she opened the parcel. It was a bear from Build-A-Bear sent all the way from the US by her boyfriend with this really sweet rose petal card. Awwww....

haha. damn n guess wat? both my friend n her boyfriend are korean. She's here on exchange for a term while her boyfriend is studying in the States. In Columbia and guess what? Despite the fact that it's columbia, that dude is still able to achieve cum laude. oh gosh... n best part. Just as he's sooo intelligent he's so thoughtful as well. We all saying that it's sooo much like a korean drama.

Once again this doesnt mean everyone and not to condemn all the male singaporeans, but my friend and i seriously doubt many singaporean boyfriends would be that romantic. And yes romantic cost money n not everyone is as wealthy. But romantic is also about creativity. Being sweet to someone is about creativity as well. Watching the variety show We Got Married is really raising the bar. HAHA. oh well who cares, i'm entitled to my own dream world :)

씨 로!!!!!!!

나 Forum 노무 씨로!!!!!!!!!!

osaka!

Bloggin to say decision made. Osaka here I come!

n yay now i have an added incentive to study hard for Jap n Jap studies. Jap seems less exciting than korean nowadays all thanks to my more frequent use of korean than jap even though jap tutorial is thrice a aweek but it's different from having korean friends to practice your korean with.

anyway ganbatte neh!

Predicament

I am always squeeshed into difficult scenarios. why why why.

Just as i made up my mind to go for retreat and give up osaka. Which i managed to get myself to come to terms with. My dad have to come into the picture, by giving me his view.

Oh gosh. matters are soooo complicated now that i don't know what to do. Confused.

it's sooo hard to make a decision. n i want the best for both parties. I dont wanna disappoint cell or dishonour my commitment, yet making dad see cell and christians as rigid immature n unthinking is just as bad or perhaps even worse.

what shd be done? WWJD?

Brighter side

On the brighter side, i really love singing with the band. sigh. Although i'm dead busy, but it's really surprising how i really feel so excited and happy in the band room singing n listening. It just drives all worries away. Really thank God for this little avenue to de-stress. Even though it's ironic, cos i have to rehearse for my upcoming gig again. 24th oct mini concert in school.

But really, i feel more joy than anything else. And more excitement than stress. Everything is gone when there's music.

And mr guitarist, if u are reading this. You peeps rock my sad life man.

i LOVE to sing!! LA LA LA LA

SADDDED

DAMN....... MY POST THESE DAYS ARE JUST GETTING EMO. IS THIS THE EMO SEASON?

I am soooooooo sadded. why does cell retreat have to clash with my osaka homestay programme. Why am i the lucky 10 selected for the programme when the dates clashes and i have to make this REALLL SUCKY decision of honouring my commitment and responsibility to my cell?! This really really suck.

anf the suckiest part is that i already knew that 2nd week of dec is not a good timing for me cos of the possibility of this happening, but bcos the majority of cell can make it on the 2nd week. I have to give in n COMPLY. OH GOSH. n i cant don't go. OH GOSH. MADNESS

oh gosh. Lord, why am i in this position!! n i cant defy. AHHH Daddy!! Why Daddy! Please help me to make a good decision. Please let me have joy and peace in the decision i make. If i choose to go for retreat which 90% i would since i wanna honour my commitment and responsibility, please let me go with joy at heart. I really dread the idea of going to retreat as a empty shell. Which of late i seem to have turned into. All thanks to the added commitment and work. I am now a empty shell. cos i have to always put aside all things i love to serve. OH gosh. i really understand the meaning of sacrificial giving now. It suck soooo bad that it feels like i'm being sucked dry. My soul has gone. it's just an empty shell.

DETEST

I HATE FORUM. I HATE FORUM. I HATE FORUM.

I ABSOLUTELY DETEST AND ABHOR FORUM. TO HELL WITH FORUM. And even this cant fully describe my anger and frustration. oh gosh.

i really really really hate the feeling of being swarmed by this tsunami of posts. highly intellectual posts or something repeatitive n even on the brink of being far-fetched post. DETEST. N tell me how to join in the pain when u're just swarmed with sooooo many at once. N at this time as well when everything is just piling up!! Just as the mid term robbed me of some time off my readings and so i have to now catch up a little, this mountain of deadline is waving right at me.

The graph of a NUS student workload is insane. It doesn't gain momentum and goes up slope slowly. It's just one extremely steep slope up after the mid-terms and a total straight line down after the finals. madness. 정말 미치갰어 !

AHHHHHH!!! 씨로!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's up now:
1) 1 assignment, 1 term paper, 3 projects, 3 final papers
2) NYF workshops
3) Cell retreat
4) Sunday School Cell
5) Voices Mini Concert

I AM SOOOOO GONNA go to US for a break after this. :(

n now, where should i start with my forum post? or perhaps i should just heck it. RARR. nothing left to write anyway. N sooo not my field. ばかやろ！

humpty dumpty had a great fall

What set out to be a really uber busy day for me, with 2 church/cell meetings after service and leaving me with uber lil time to study for my soci paper was cut short by a dramatic and eventful morning.

As i was walking down the flight of stairs to the worship hall in church (with my brain cluttered with all thoughts as i was supposed to have my sobering talk with my cell leader), i missed my footing, and fell right forward flat like a pancake and skidded down the flight of stairs.

My spectacular was so sudden, shocking and stunning (yay alliteration!), that everyone at the area turned to look at me. Really helpful aunties and uncles flocked to me to help me. I was sooooo dead embarrassed that I could only utter "pain", which was then interpretted by these really sweet and helpful aunties as me being in shock.

I was really touched by them though. Everyone was rushing here and there to fetch me items. One uncle rushed to get the 1st aid box. Another auntie went to get water for me. While some help me up n got me seated. It was really a moment of aww...

But yes it was my most nasty fall ever. my first time falling down a flight of stairs. And skidding down on your front down a pebbly flight of stairs is really no joke.
Such is the result:

And to all my dearie frenz who dropped me calls n messages. Thank you so much! so sweet of u guys.

And the fall was a blessing in disguise too. Because of it, i had time to post on my film&history forum, do my japanese homework, study for soci paper. N now i realise i still got my Jap studies tutorial to prepare for. wth crap.

And more imptly, it allow me time to realise that today was the 5th of Oct!! mommy's birthday! so yeah fortunately, i realised in time and i'm just back frm mommy's birthday dinner.

Gosh it's really a battle with time these days.

emo post

Been a long time since i posted a emo post. HAHA. so time for one. ok lah not like emo emo, but yes sobering perhaps and self-reflective.

Am i such a bad time manager? It seems like all my life i have been grappling with many things at one shot. Since primary school, i've already been a clown juggling away with many things. So by now, i should have gotten a PHD in juggling. But why is it so tough now? Or i have simply piled too much stuff on my plate?

Got a dressing down from my cell leader on my leadership role in cell. Ahh dear Lord, please save me. I really wanna give up. Herding sheeps is really just sooo tough and tiring. It's not like i don't know as well.I don't want to be like that as well but i'm really just breaking down. I have to be a role model for others all the time. but even leaders grow weary. Spiritual leaders are really sooo hard to be. That's why spiritual leaders simply have to lean on GOd for strength.

There are things that it seems i have to give up. but i don't want to. They meant so much to me. AHhh... i really hate to have to give up everytime. and its always sooo heart wrenching.

And i am so confused now too. You have shown me a really big plan. A promising future i have in You. Yet, everything doesn't seem right and the doors are closed once n again. Why? But even as i look back n ponder again, i was once again affirmed that i didnt get the message wrong. Because You have shown it to me soooo clearly.

So what are my priorities? Why am i in NUS now?
I am in NUS now n only now not last yr, bcos it is now the time. I am ready for all the learnings and i know the purpose of it all. It's the preparation work for the future. And it is the future that requires me to have the heart for the poor and less priviledged. You have given me these burdens in my heart, stirred me and moved me. I will pursue it from here on now.

My mistake would be to take up anything that comes my way and thinking that these would help me in my direction towards this goal. There are some of these that i am pretty certain i have to take up. These that i can't give up.

Ahhh, but i am really questioning my decision to take up works head. Perhaps it's really the wrong time. I feel so worked out n strained. And the other stuff on my plate that i felt prompted to take up clammers for my attention as well. N i have to do well in school too. This place in NUS didn't come easy and i don't think i have placed here to flunk my papers. And working for God should be something enjoyable. Why am i so tired and burnt out instead? It should not be a case of giving up a huge part of me as well just to serve Him. Lord please show me how to serve in joy again.

And i think i got the answer. To do just what He has called me to do. You can't serve in too many areas. It just has to be that one thing that He wants me to do.