back to scouting! And more rantings

Last saturday (27/10/07) was project rigel, to show our support for our dear fren, several of us had agreed to go for it, though haha according to my poll we all weren't too keen about going actually. Several reasons for this: life is really hectic, we're past that age whereby going to ubin for games would really psyche us up.

But I am glad i had made time to go for this. After being so obsessed with my books all these while (ok lah not really obsessed more like i forced it out of me haha), I have really 'soften' and i just couldnt find that tough side of me anymore, so i really wasn't looking forward to going out on a saturday to ubin, feeding the mozzie, making myself high in front of the kids, n basking under the scothing sun. But yes, i can't stress it further that I am truly happy i did go. I didn't realise till now that I have been missing my old self quite abit. I know that i miss myself but i didn't know exactly what it is that i am missing. I really miss myself. As a result of life's shit, a great part of me had been dissolved some how. The tougher side of me is gone, the confident side of me is gone, even my self-esteem is eroded a fair bit. And my identity as a scout is also barely there.

To buy myself more time to spend with my book, I had chose to guard my time more seriously which means I do not go for scouting actitivities until it is necessary, I don't take up projects and stuff unless it is within my scope of duty, and for school i had chose not to join the SRC though it would had been so much more fun, i don't participate in school activities much or should i say not at all? Yes, and i do miss this rather big part of me that's gone, lost. So yes i am really glad for last saturday, because I really felt myself being in touch with the 'self' that i had lost. It was back to the identity that i bore as a scout. It was back to having real fun despite the weather, the aching legs, the mosquitoes. I was back to my 'manly' tough girl days and i am really glad.

The kids in my group are thankfully quite manageable except for just 3 of them who really needs more attention. But it was great. Really glad to have kenneth (my new friend) and Nasu in my patrol cos they are really good at handling the 'problematic' kids. By the way, project rigel is camp designed for the special kids who're also in scouts to have fun. We bring them out for activities, aiming to help them to integrate better into our mainstream society through their interaction with us.

Though we're supposed to teach these kids good values, i felt that i learnt even more from them. These kids are really very very real and honest in the sense that they do not hide their emotions and thoughts. So by observing them, we actually get to see our true human nature. There was this dude in my patrol that got really agitated when the team lost the game, and he started scolding the rest of the team for being stupid. Of course, it was such an irony cos they're all special kids, all intellectually challenged, so it kind of pains me a little that he's scolding the rest of his team mates stupid when he himself isn't very clever too. And it just shows how critical we all are. We're all guilty of this actually. We push the blame to others when things go wrong, we are so quick in judging others when we're actually just as guilty. And there's this boy too, who's really horny. yes u didnt hear me wrong, i said horny. but well you can't really blame him for his misbehaviour but though we can't blame him for his action, we still have the duty to teach him. With his raging hormones, who knows what he would do next time when he's out in the public? So i was really pretty harsh with him. Scolded him real hard because i really wanted him to know that his actions were wrong so that he wouldn't end up being a molestor or worst rapist next time. But the effect wasn't so satisfactory. It is really really so hard to teach them. I really salute all these teachers who teach in special school. Many a times during the course of the day, I was really at wits' end as to how to really let them understand what i was trying to teach them. Teaching is truly an art.

Ok on a lighter subject, here's some pictures from chek jawa and other pictures i took with/of the kids and my friends. :)
By the way, I was really entertained with the guys' sharing of NS life haha. Kenneth told me about his time in Brunei, and ker han's friend's shared with me his time in camp. Haha i was really really thrilled by their stories to the point that the old line popped up again--> 'Steph ah, you should really sign on!'. Ahh.. i miss this line too... it's been sometime since someone said this to me. I've been rotting away these days.


Note: the white thing is not plastic bag but jelly fish




sunset from ubin jetty

On a heavier note, Kenneth's sharing of his 'plight' has evoke much emotions from me. It really stirred me as i listen to his story echoeing the same old lines. This friend had been dreaming of a navy career since he was a small boy, but got his application rejected. Why? Because there are too many dudes out there with straight As who applied as well, not many due to their passion but more because they were enticed by that scholarship that the navy offers. So yes, all you smart asses out there get your places, mourn n groan about being bonded to the navy, regretting signing on because of scholarship, while people with true passion are being denied of the chance. Is meritocracy fair? Is our system too elitist? Are people who are weaker in their academic performance that underserving? But how do you measure passion? It's hard i know... but people are not even willing to try at the first place, too busy, too deaf to hear the soft murmur of passion. Passion is often being drowned by academic results. What's wrong with our society??!

And don't ever think that people get poor result cos they don't strive hard. Some don't yes but some does. Like this friend. He requested to retain so that he can have a extra year to better prepare himself for As. So do we blame him for being stupid? Society is really unforgiving. We stigmatised people. We label people as stupid, crazy, imbecile and what not. And the effects are drastic. Kids labelled as stupid by the system very often will play their role and rebel against the norm, against the rules of society because they dread it. They become delinquents in their teens, skipped school and ended up doing blue-collared jobs. And as adult they are again marginalised by society occupationally. Society led them to become anomie. Ahhh help. what can we do??

Restrain

Hanging, swaying, struggling
Hung up high, yet not touching the sky
The broken string caught
A gust of wind mocks
Desires burning

Wishing to be a part of the sky
Yet like a strong firm arm
The thick branches held onto it
Will it ever soar?

Longing for the sky
Stranded up yet not high
Sulking, dangling
Swaying upon every breath of the wind
Whispering softly a gentle reminder
Called dream




To Self: i'm really getting poetic these days. k fine i noe i write trashy poems but a yr back who would even thot of writing poems. life is never fair. perhaps that's y the greatest thinkers all end up in the asylum. The more you ponder the more demoralised you get. It's always so hard to trust. So easy to lament. Even job does. Hoping for it to end. Hoping that I won't join in the rank as those thinkers before i see the end

"Success is speaking words of praise.
In cheering other people's ways
In doing just the best you can
With every task and every plan
It's silence when you speech would hurt
Politeness when your neighbour's curt
It's deafness when the scandal flows
And sympathy with others' woes
It's loyalty when duty calls
It's courage when disaster falls
It's found in laughter and in song
It's in the silent time of prayer
In happiness and in despair
In all of life and nothing less
We find the thing we call success." (Anon)

Snippets #3 - Just for laughs

I realised that lil things in life are actually quite amusing if we have the mood that is to slow down our steps and take in the beauty of it all. All right maybe it's just me. I'm easily amused. Like how this afternoon, i was so amused by these 2 ladies who walked the same route all the way from the bus stop back to my house. As we crossed the road, I was guessing that they are fellow residence of my condo, Then as we walked into the estate, I was even more amused (so were they), that we were still walking in the same direction and right into the same block! oh my.. haha n there's 3 lifts serving the 3 sub blocks within my block, so the best part was we each entered the respective 3 lifts. oh my! such coincidence. damn cool lah.

Anyways welcome audience to the show! It's snippets time again!

This time we have Eliz, econs/maths/soci/ibm lecturers, as well as the police officer in india.

At walas (quite some time back, w kenneth),
Eliz: Today is really hot ( pulling on her jacket)
Kenneth and I: ....?

My econs lecturer on rationality...
manfred: Rationality is NOT about morals. It's whether u stick to your choice. Say u have mary now as your girlfriend. Then Lucy came along, so you dump Mary n chose Lucy. Are you rational?
class: (silence... frowns... scratch head... slight unconvincing nods and shakes)
manfred: Of cos you are! You chose Mary back then cos Lucy was not an available choice! Now that Lucy is available, you choose Lucy over Mary. You are RATIONAL.

During maths,
Mansoor: you know people nowadays are really funny. They give acronyms that are not really acronyms for things. weird short forms. Like how umbrella becomes ELLA ELLA ELLA..
Class: (laughs)
Mansoor: weird... so wat's the short for my white board?
Class: (silence)
Mansoor: EBOARD EBOARD EBOARD... EH EH EH

During Soci on the lesson of job hierachy due to factors like prestige, $$ and power...
Porntipa: Just the other day, I bumped into one of the other lecturers in the lift, I cant tell you guys who lah... but anyway he was really excited and said this..
(re-enactment)
He: I cant resist this, i need to share with you my joy. I just sold my shares. Guess how much i earned?
Porntipa: Erm.. How much?
He: 2 million!! (beaming)
(back to class)
Porntipa: And so i also couldnt resist. MUST show off lah in life. So i told him...
(re-enactment)
Porntipa: I also bought 2 properties lately. Both went enbloc. (smiles)
(back to class)
Porntipa: (to the class) shares no good lah.. who knows when the 2 million becomes minus 2 million! Property better!! (smiles widely), must invest in property (smile EVEN more)

today on the BBC radio, an interview with a police officer in India. (this is roughly how it goes)
BBC: Police officials portray an unfriendly image with the people...People usually fear police officials...And today we have Mr____ with us to share with us some instances...
Mr ___: Once I went to visit the temple. When i was about to prostrate before the temple priest as a mark of respect, he looked really fearful and refused to let me do so. This leave me really puzzled. The next day, as i went on the roads to look at the temple posession i saw a familiar face among the temple police guards. turned out it was the priest yesterday! So i asked him why did he disguise himself as a priest. So he explained that the priests were all out and knowing that the temple should not be left without any priest and my arrival, he decided to pose as the priest to please me.
BBC: ... tell us about the cattle incident
Mr ____: Well, once I was really shock to see cattles all packed and roaming around in my office as i walked in. Turned out that there was a complain about cattles going on the roads and into the hearts of the town area, causing disturbance. So the men (police) went on to round up all the cattles from the fields and brought them all back to the police station. It was such a big mess.

I had such a hard time trying not to burst out laughing as i listen to this piece of news on the bus =D

oh my.. how i heart india.
"SING-GA-PORE.... IS IT A SUBURB?'
'ANOTHER COUNTRY?!'
'DEH... MUMBAI.. MUMBAI... INDIA.'

HEH... =D

More fotos frm villa bali!

yes more fotos.

koped em frm justin's blog. Got give credit k! so can nt sue me. :)

Little Ms Chua's Birthday (Pls click on fotos to see enlarged!!)

Celebrated Yizhen's birthday last night with a whole big bunch of us from scouts and the moe temp alumni peeps. It was a belated celebration but i hope everyone had a smashing good time especially the birthday gal! i had.. hahaha. Despite some minor slip ups with the guest list in the sense that i am quite positive our clever ms chua probably had guessed more than half (let's make it 3/4) of the people that came though it's supposed to be all surprise. But good thing the venue picked was perfect cos she TOTALLY didnt noe this place existed haha. YAY! Villa Bali ROCKS! :))))

Ok and so the birthday gal arrived after an ardous journey blind folded with her 2 kidnappers ( Zi Jie and Eliz) causing some commotion among the diners as everyone all looked at her groping her way and us tryin to lead her into the restaurant. HAHA. it's really hilarious listening to the people murmuring ' ahh.. must be birthday celebration...' LOL. Oh and not to forget, everyone crowding around her to take foto in perfect silent, while yizhen sat there blind folded probably still wondering what was going on.

Oh and i finally got my wish last night too! To dine at the high tables. With our huge number and my lil plea haha we managed to move our seats to those lil pavilion high tables. A pity it's still a lil too small though so some of us had to sit on the benches outside the pavilion. But oh well, it beats our original seats which segregated us into 2 tables.

Anyway, it was a night of pleasant surprises for the bdae gal (i hope). After the exciting journey of coming here blind folded, and seeing all her invited guests (all 16 of us.. should be big enough a crowd to constitute a pleasant surprise), her presents were yet another blast we installed for here. As expected, HAHA her reaction was up to standard and extremely satisfying to watch.

Of cos after the cake-cutting, we gave her her actual gift which she liked alot. N we're more than glad. Gal that dress is PRETTY k!! Liz n I heart pain have to part with it! hahaha

Oh man. I love villa bali. Food is fine ( BUT LATE... waited so long for it) but the ambience is really GOOD!

















Oh n hurray! i recovered in time. After a sickening boring week. At last something pleasant in the week. :)

Les Miserables

life sucks when u're ill man. woke up at 3 plus due to a soaring temperature. And could only get back to sleep after i pop the pill again to bring it down. And my wet towels turn hot so quickly and i have to keep changing. so hard to sleep. :(

sometimes medicine that cost a hundred over dollars also cant work the magic.

i want u

DOWN
DOwn
down.

I say self. Enough of being ill. You shall recover today and be in good shape to challenge your econs tutorial tomorrow. Today shall be off day. :)

sylvia and her purple wand, and the disgusting virus

When you're feeling down or upset, it is always so heartening to have thoughtful people around u.

On my way home yesterday, as i opened my bag, I was pleasantly surprised by this cute sight!

thanks cookie for taking the effort to plant lil surprises to cheer me up.





Sylvia jr and her purple wand.

Now for the disgusting part of life, life really sucks when u're ill. Down with fever, sore throat and backaches. Gosh. my lower back really ache so much that i decided to even give traditional methods a try. Got my mom to give me a 'kua sa'. Which is rubbing the back with medicated oil and literally scrubbing the back using the blunt edge of a spoon. Aww... painful but good. And yes after drinking lots of herbal tea and panadol, i finally gave up and decided to see the doctor just now. Digging the thermometer out to take my temperature also freak me into seeing the doctor.

A happy note, even as i battled with my high fever, i managed to complete my soci tut. YAY! at least a day is not wasted totally. But gosh, it's really torturous. I had to lie down after a few questions due to back aches. :(

oh yes.. never go to mount e to see doctor. those silly pills actually cost my daddy a hundred odd dollars. :(

And worse, i was so shabbily dress, and had to walk through paragon to catch a cab.

death of my tee shirt

Now let's keep a moment of silent for the extremely heart wrenching death of my tee shirt. Such a tragic and undeserving death.

Just a couple of months ago, I bought this river island tee from the river island sales. Wore it like less than 5 times only and one day it suffered an irreversible absolutely undeserving innocently extremely brutal assault. ARGHHHHH!!! HOW THE HELL CAN BLEACH GET ONTO U????!!! MOMMY SINCE WHEN CAN U BLEACH A GREYISH BLACK SHIRT? I am satisfied w the original color!!! y do u thk i want it white????!!!!!

Annd the best part is, as i was thinking of salvaging it just noe, i went to my mom's cupboard to dig for it, only to find out that it had been thrown away. yes i repeat. THROWN AWAY!!! AHHHHH IT'S LIKE U BEIING UNABLE TO SEE UR BELOVED ONE LAST TIME B4 IT IS BEIING CREMATED. IT'S NOT EVEN GIVEN A PROPER BURIAL. i am sooooooo pissed.

N e best thg is, mommy thinks that she's not in the wrong and that money can solve the prob!!!! she offered to pay me back in cash for the shirt. oh wat the hell!!! i don't want cash.. i just want my lil darling back... ARGHHH i hvnt even worn it for more then 5 times!!! how can it b gone just liddat!!!

GRRR

on a lighter note. watch this. quite funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wk51lfLfIQ

should i go for the idp fair this afternoon?? but abit ptless oso...no money is just no money!! oh gosh... y cant money fall frm the sky???? sigh

random

Went to kayak today after donkey years. Haha it was fun and stressful also. Why stress leh? cos chao mugger's sunday afternoon was burnt! And she has sociology test on wed to mug for. WTH am i doing man! photos up when i receive em :)

Anyway on my way home, I passed by harbour front mall since i took the train back and guess wat? Shit. Why am i so blessed with this ability to sense a good bargain? I saw shoes going off at ridiculously cheap prices. And so guess wat? yes i have a new pair of low-heel peep toe shoe now! Seem like a lil pleasant surprise frm God to cheer me up! Cos it was exactly wat i wanted. A peep toe low heel or flat. And it's cheap. only 10 bucks. so it's good for super broke me.




Anyway, on another note. haha my poor black toe! It turned black since my 8km run apparently, hidden under my nail polish.


And oh the diamonds i bought my mom.

happy days

Come come, my lil bloggy, say hurray! yay! bloggy is a 100th post old! my goodness. Time really flies. Anyway as said the last time, #100 will be an extremely happy one. So yes it is. A collective post of my happy days this week. haha.

Thurs 4/10/07
Maths test was a breeze. Hope it continues to be this way man. If the further chapters are just like this, then indeed tertiary maths for me would be quite pleasant. Anyway had dinner at the Vietnam restaurant, Pho, at millenia walk cos some deprived 'pig' (lol, no offence :D) is drooling over it. It's not bad, but the beef flavour of the soup base is not as strong as the one at Holland V. It's alot more salty also and the chili less spicy. But still it's good since i thrive on salt. And oh, they sell quail eggs! One bowl of 5 at just $1.70. And so the pig n i (both quail egg lovers) had 2 bowls each. Heh. :)


Anyway, quail eggs makes u high. As shown by the table-soccer table which suffered a fracture. Haha. Man how violent our game turned! We spinned so hard on the players, that we sent the ball wacking right up, cracking the glass case... :s



Friday 5/10/07
It's mommy's birthday but too bad mommy doesnt know how to appreciate diamonds. SO IT's NOT TRUE that diamonds are a woman's best fren alrite. I dun mind though em though *hint hint* LOL! Anyway so disappointment aside, i inherited that pair of earring that i had spent a bomb on for her.

And since mommy doesnt want a birthday dinner celebration, I went to join Liz and Kenneth at Walas. So the night was GOOOOOOD. W carlsberg, stella artois, wala wings and EIC! haha no indian RJC chemistry tchr turned main vocalist tonight but that chinese dude was just as great. Love his singing voice!!


oh not to forget, it was really cool to bum into Justin and his friends who were also at walas. Caught up with Royal Highness Nic whom i hadnt really talked to in a while. yay!

Anway, our lil miss song here is really cute.
Liz: 'tonight really very hot lor.' (pulling her sweater over her shoulders, putting it on)
Kenneth and I: Er..... ?


Saturday
It's temp alumni part 2~!!!! YAY! it's really so cool and very heartening to be still in contact w these bunch of frenz. Really glad to have met them during my lil temp-ing stint over the hols. Anyway, it's really great to catch up with u guys!! though there's a minor hiccup haha but it's a night of fun nonetheless.

Wei Shan, Guo Sheng, Justin, Sherman and I had arrived earlier and made it to the upper level of Walas which had age restriction. Initially thinking that we'll be spending the whole night there, we ordered quite a lot of food and drinks. But unfortunately, when evelyn lydia and yi zhin came, the bouncers won't convince that they 20 and demanded to check. So, the whole bunch of us downed our drinks n food to the zamming of Unexpected hurriedly, before rushing down to meet the 2 ladies and we migrated to essential brews and have some tea and finger food.

It's really a pity that we moved late so there wasn't as much time for us to catch up as much as we had wished. Different topics sprang up too. Well let's hope next time we can have it at a more accomodating venue! And allow ourselves a lil more time to talk and catch up! And talk about everything under the sun and not yes our sch and stuff. :) But it's great but i'm greedy for more! haha felt that i hadnt caught up enough.

Battling zulu monster N RAMBLINGS

2/10/07
To save space. I have decided to blog this together with my last post. Since the next post will be my 100th post! And it should be happy and this is certainly not a happy one. So save space, saving the best spot for the better entry.

Anyway this is my grumpy lil rambling don't bother wasting time reading.

I think i am learning the ridiculous ways of the society. Working with people is tough shit. It is really tough. People just don't see your point. or perhaps i am just lousy with words or i just give in easily but if i don't? People will just say i'm adament about things. It's hard man. Such a dilemma. Sometimes what you feel is the best idea just won't be given its chance. We're bureaucractic man. Indeed like my notes say bureacracy is everywhere just to what extent. People are just so fixated with old ways and refuse to embrace new ideas. People are just so stuck and narrow minded with their objectives. Why can't you fulfill more than one at a shot? why waste time and money? Not as if we have all e time and money in the world? What's the best for our target group? I really don't know man. But since everyone insist. there u go u can have it. But i wash my hand out of the outcome man. If we can convince and hard sell within a short short time then congrats to us. miracle. or maybe we can get the figures but it certainly would not be my ideal situation because i'm most sure the clearer picture is not delivered. Just a fuzzy lil shadow perhaps. oh whatever. and the weirdest part which i jus realised. What the HELL am i doing man?? I am filling up a role and executing its duties but not from my own free will but more like a dummy doing what i am directed to do? oh man.. again how true my management notes are... the middle managers. The dummy that gets directed... to set goals for the foreman as directed by the superiors, higher management. What the shit.

i say, 'self, where are you?'. Self you have been gone for a really long while... since the beginning of darkness man. And now i cant even understand myself. my obsession with time lost... my time my every second which i desire to save for mugging. N i question myself again.. why mug so hard?? Am i mugging to fulfil my silly dream? Then i realise perhaps the dream is there to comfort myself. It always feel better to have this dream... to have this goal to work towards. But it's all but empty.

Self! where are you?? Am i just a cavity?? The more i mug the greater the sense of fufillment i have, the more i feel secure that i am on track to my goal and yet at the same time i feel more empty and agonised as i got reminded of stuff i don't wish to remember. Yet I am constantly being reminded everyday by people. why? how i wish i could just stay at home.

Self! what had become of you? where's my self-esteem? As i strive to move on, i end up being a cavity, desensitised and forgetting that i am a human.

Self! why do you inflict yourself with so much pain? why do u care so much? why do you feel frustrated or grumpy? why do u envy? why do you hope for others to comfort you? it'll never happen. no one can fill that void self.

God, you are my only only source of solace.

'those who sow in tears shall reap in songs of joy' (Psalm 126:5)


1/10/07
Clarification: The zulu monster refers to a state of Zzzzz...

I think i have figured out why i am so tired and sleepy these days. In fact i am lying in bed as i type this. gosh. haha

I'm tired cos my lil brain is cluttered with:
1) my to do list : for this week, i have to mug for my maths test on thurs ( i am so gonna get zero man since i hv been sleeping like every thurs morning :S), read up on my soci in order to comprehend my lect on wed since last wk's one was a disaster n i caught no balls, do my econs assignment without tearing my hair out or crack my head from over thinking, and revise my IBM which i hadnt been doing for some time. so behind in my learning
2) worries about my future. lil gal have big dreams.. but so worried that dreams may not come true... cos my dreams need to go slimming centre.

oh my... i have turned lame too. now for Zzz....