thinking brain, fried brain

havent blog in ages once again or maybe it's just ages for me since i normally update more often till recently. i have been so busy. busy w frying my brain! muahahaha

I am so darn shagged. exhausted. squeezed dry by my consecutive days of madness revision workshops. But really the lse prof are truly awesome. some got abit of attitude prob in the sense that they think we are idiots (don't deny it though, we nv really work hard enuf n cant answer their questions. with exams only less than a month away n our level of unpreparedness, this truly make us idiots), and the fact that they condemn the local lecturers as though their worthless. Sigh sad case. I really pity the local lecturers. If they don't teach and spoon feed us, the students will complain and the management too will complain. But after all their notes and effort, they get condemn by the lse prof.

to sum up how pathetic the local lecturers are here's two snippets:
lse econs prof said, "the notes your lecturers churned are rubbish. u have wasted 9 months of your life."
lse maths prof said, "your fucking idiot local lecturer! i am so so pissed... the questions are carefully crafted so that i can teach you something but those worked out solutions given by your lecturer totally ruined it. with the answers, u guys have switched off!"

*shakez head* the poor local lecturer. So e moral of the story is: it's not enough to be a lecturer. make sure you have a PHD and even so make sure u r a lecturer at a MUCH reputed college. or else you will be labelled a "f***king idiot" =(

But despite their lil attitude problem. they are REALLY SUPERIOR in their knowledge and teaching. U can really feel those light bulbs lighting up as they teach. my goodness. no wonder lse is lse. sigh. really wish they can teach us all the way. if they have taught us from the start, the turn out would really be so different. A good teacher can really make a brilliant student indeed.

Anyway, it's just maths, econs and soci that i have gone so far so we shall not generalise the attitude issue. And besides, the sociology profs are really really NICE people. Dr steve is soooo charismatic. The way he talked to us and relate to us makes u feel so encouraged and motivated lah. And Mrs Gosling too! So my conclusion is sociologists are nice people. Even my local soci lecturer, she's like the nicest lecturer among my other subjects. Just so so nice. I guess it has to do with the discipline. To be a sociologist i guess u have to have a passion for humanity and a understanding and appreciation of cultural differences. Yupz so like what mrs gosling said, " i disagree with amos (e econs prof), it's not that you guys are stupid. it's a cultural difference. it's your culture to be less vocal about your opinions and answer. and i believe that there is knowledge up there but perhaps you guys don't feel confident enough and felt that you don't deserve to know since you have yet to revise". aww so nice lah.

So finally today, i can have a break from all the lectures. YAY! no school today finally!! after so many consecutive days. arghhh

my brain is really fried. not just from the lectures (really rigorous lects!) but also from my muggin!!! :( and also other issues to consider!! SO MUCH to think about!! hope my hair don't turn grey seriously.

what's on my head:
1) Should i go Aussie?
2) Should i even go to Nepal? And should i just take this project off scouts and do it as my own personal endeavour?

For no.1, am i being too sentimental? If i miss you guys, would you guys think of me too? And in my absence will there be a sense of absence of presence? I guess what Sarah said is true too. i'm being too sentimental. Everyone here will move on and things may change n differ, but i would have moved on too. and come to think of it, by being here i am not meeting all my friends frequently as well. we don't hang often and we're all busy with our own lives. too busy for one another. so what's the point? it's really kind of sad that our society can make us so crazy and to mug our guts out to the point that we can shove alot of things out of the picture. Even frenz and parents. Moreover, there's also exchange progs to go for. so i wouldn't see you guys for long periods as well. but i guess i am being too sentimental. and for my parents, being at home doesnt make me a great daughter too. Leaving them for a period will hopefully let me appreciate them more.

ok so how????? LOL. Let's wait for the sign. Let's be doubly and triply sure that it's His plan. if yes then i would go bcos i can have the confidence that all will be taken care of. If not i'll stay.

For no. 2, there's too much red tapes, lack of confidence and everything is just causing more delay. So yes while jogging yesterday i guess the best plan is to do this as my own personal endeavour. But right now i am getting worried too. security issues and all. Maybe i should head to somewhere else. But what's confirmed is that i wanna be engaged as a volunteer for a humanitarian affairs project this holiday. Haha maybe can do what Paula suggested and get in touch with Mr GK again.

Don't think you guys understand. But i may really be leaving here soon. There's not much time left for me to do what i want and to even do my best to make a positive impact here before i go. Oh well, who cares. And perhaps my views and thinkings have deviated too much to fit in any longer. So let's take it a step a time. Let me pursue my dream personally 1st den. And like Sarah said i am too sentimental.