i'm so so disappointed in u, really.

do you know that the whole world can despise me but not u? I don;t care who else on this planet look down on me but not you. if only there is a way to measure my immense amount of disappointment in you.

if only you know how much i care about how u n dad feels. do u ever stop to think that i always strive to make you proud? cos i know you are just so conscious. and u ask me why are you terrible? what are you lacking? You lack the biggest biggest thing. The biggest thing called support. stop sayin that you know very little or incapable of supporting. Support is not about the money, it's not about giving great advices. It's just simply there to listen, to say a simple 2 word of 'it's ok', 'everthing's fine'. who needs support when u are at the top and peak of your life? It's when life seems to crumble that you need support. But ur lack of support just crumble everything for me. you even accelerate it for me.

Do you know the only time i felt that you are proud of me is when i top the class in primary 2? What i need is just your support, to be proud of me in all situations. What i need is to know that it's ok and that your faith and confidence in me has never waver. You NEVER once said to me that you're proud of me. Why cant you be just proud of who i am? Tell me please that i am worthy and capable of so much more? Do you know that you caused me so much insecurity and lack of self-esteem and confidence. I have NONE.

Why else do you think i try so hard? I try to give u results that you wanna see since you judge every effort by result. I applied to aussie unis, and i got into all 3. But you never said at all that 'that's terrific!'. Instead you questioned if they are really good schools? Am i that retarded in your eyes???

The whole world can regard me as a retard but not you. NOT YOUUUUUUUUU. NOOOOTTTTTT YOOOUUUU. if only u understand this. I spend the whole night talkin to you yet nothing gets into your brain. you still do not understand. It's not even the lie that you told auntie that i am a NUS student that i am mad about. It hurts so much bcos i never once felt your support.

It's not what i want. To tell me that "ok let's not lie and i don't have to move out for the next few days". Honestly i don't care. I don't want you to give in just cause i cried buckets. I just want you to understand WHYYYYYY i cried buckets. if only you can measure the depth of my grief and disappointment. Nothing pleases you or satisfies you. And all you do is easily say ' aiyah.. i don't know what you want.. i will not meddle in your affairs anymore.'

PLEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEEEEE. PLease please just understand for once can you? Why is it so difficult for you to understand? Is your EQ really THAT low?

Stop treating me like a retard with your words and actions. And stop pushing it all to God. My God is magnificent. If it's not Him, I wouldn't have walked so far!!! You cant imagine how much pressure i have gone through. JUST STOP INSULTING AND PUSHING ALL THE BLAME TO MY GOD!!!! In your absence, He's my only source of solace. Even as the whole world reject me, I know that He still has absolute faith in me and love me a million percent.

IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU GIVING IN TO MY WAY!!!!! you have already lied. Nothing can undo this. I have no eyes to see and no ears to hear what you gonna say or do. Even if you choose to give in and come clean, i still don't want to witness any of it or be a part of this disgusting revolting scene and chapter of my life. Just let me leave. If you hadnt realise the danger of it all from last night till this afternoon, you don't have to now after i pointed out how much lack of concern you have shown. Please just let me have a nice getaway. I will hide till auntie returns. I have no wish to see and hear anything. Hotel 81 is far safer in this storm than our own home.