Fight on!!

Ok this is going to be a super duper long post. Not supposed to be emo but to think deeper into issues and to motivate myself and you who’s reading this n have the patience to follow through.

Time and again as I looked back into my life, I have failed myself. Yes, over and over again the same scene repeats like a spoilt cassette tape repeating the same sad chorus over and over again. All I see are instances whereby the best effort put doesn’t pay off, where I fall short of that bar. People say it’s ok because what matters the most is the process and that you learn things through the process and from the outcome. You have done your best so that is all that matters. No regrets. But let us ask ourselves, is it true? Is it truly so that you don’t have any regrets?

It is so painful to know that it’s your best and it still isn’t enough. Is your best really just like that? Is there any more that can be squeezed out of me? I really can not stand this feeling of being defeated by life. I don’t want it to be so. Yet time again I just proved to myself that it is so. I can not seem to better my previous record.

Then again, does prayers truly work I start to question? God meant us all to be successful in life. Everything in His time and His definition. However, His definition differs from how society defines success. Our society is sick and obsessed with the end product. Then again it makes sense too actually to define success by the end product because there is not other way to track successes. There is no way to indicate success by evaluating on the process right? Saying that the society is sick is probably a sour grape syndrome of mine.

We all have different gifts and talents, thus we excel in different areas but are we given equal platform to perform in the individual areas so that we can all be winners in life? Why is it that others can do things so well but I can not?

But anyway God has time and again showed me too that He does answer prayers even silly little prayers like getting a cab soon when I’m running late for work and also when I do not have enough money for a bus ride and the driver just top up the remaining amount and granted me the ride home.

He is our loving Father that I am certain. And He is ever faithful to me because He is always there to prompt me when I start to waver or question. Perhaps it’s really like what Jaime said we should believe that God can give us a miracle. Such is the power of prayer from a faithful servant who believes with great conviction, a miracle will happen. Ok someone of you maybe sceptical about all this including myself. In face of all these repeated setbacks, I can’t help but ask how is this sort of life a glory to you Lord? I failed over and over again. Then I realise, I have been in control for too long. I had always been the one planning out my own life. God, just like what Jaime shared, you had been my co-pilot. But my own strength is so limited, so limited that however hard I try, I always fail. I didn’t realise till lately during quiet time that I had all along tried to be the Almighty. Of cause I failed so badly. I guess the joy of knowing you is that I can rely on your strength. What happened in the past is truly a testimony to why God is needed in our life. Without Him, our best effort is still not enough. So yes I shall be the co-pilot and let Him be my pilot.

Perhaps the answer to all this is to have a little more faith in Him and like wat dua tao says, ‘HEADS UP!’. We’re all meant to be winners! God made us in His likeness and since God is not a loser, no one is meant to be a loser. So fight on!!